misanthropeerin

Just a little me
2004-10-18 23:49:58 (UTC)

bad day

I had a bad day. I received a 78 C on an in class essay
for English. I read the story, highlighted key information
and planned my essay before class. Apparently, I am not
good enough. I have no voice. I got 20's and below on all
the categories. I couldn't help crying. Everything I do in
that class is wrong. She reads other people's papers and
brags about how wonderful they are. I feel so stupid
compared to them. She didn't even say anything to me after
class about why I was upset. That really bothered me. It's
one thing if she didn't notice me, but I was sitting right
in front of her sniffling and wiping away tears. She chose
to ignore it. A teacher is supposed to care about his or
her students. My english teacher does not. I got an A
every nine weeks in English last year. It was a tough
workload. This year we don't have as much work outside of
class, but I manage to do poorly on everything. She wants
us to know all this British history that we have to look
up on our own and we never discuss before the test. On the
last test there were no questions about Beowulf. Instead,
we had to write an essay on Stonehenge. I guess I'm
supposed to spend my time researching stupid British
history instead of focusing on the literature. It seems
odd that I have gotten an A in english every other year
and now I'm struggling for a C. Previous teachers have
told me I'm a good writer. I was going to major in
English. Tonight I printed the major form for Tech and
changed from English to Communications. I really wanted to
do Creative Writing, but my teacher discouraged me. I feel
worthless right now, because I thought writing was the one
thing I was good at. Communications will allow some
writing in the form of journalism. It's not creative
though. Creativity will flow through the other areas
though like broadcasting and film study. A teacher has
never made me feel this way. I'm going to go talk to her
tomorrow. I know she won't change my grade, and I'm scared
she is going to make me even more upset. On top of
everything else that is happening, this just is more than
I can handle. Homecoming is this week and on Friday of
course we have an English test. Who gives a test on
Homecoming. On Saturday I won't go to the dance because
nobody asked me. I'm not having a lot of fun in my senior
year and it's really stressful. It's hard crying alone. I
really don't have anyone to talk to. I miss telling Thomas
all my problems. But we don't communicate anymore. All the
boys in my life right now are just using me. I don't mind
because nobody ever appreciates me anyway. It would still
would be nice for one wish to be granted. Anything to
ligthen the burden of never being happy. If one guy could
actually stick to his word and honestly care about me I
would appreciate it so much. Today everything just
crumbled. I don't seem to able to have anything I want. I
can't write and I can't love.




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