listen to my silences
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trying to find my place in this world...
i'm not okay.
i hate reliving the past. i hate not being able to stop
myself from doing it. it just happens. ever since
harvest, all i've been able to think about is...
this is ridiculous. i'm in a stable, secure, mature
relationship now. that's nothing like what i was in
before. or is it...
i don't know anymore. i feel like my whole life is a
dizzy spell right now. i'm standing still but i feel like
i'm moving, yet when i do move i feel like i'm going
nowhere. i need to be held.
i stayed at jake's last night. it was wonderful to wake
up next to him this morning. i need to talk.
i left upset, but i'm not anymore because it was over
something insignificant. i'd have been fine if i wasn't
upset about so many other things, that don't really have a
whole lot, if anything, to do with him. we had a great
week a week and a half ago. and then i started thinking.
that's how i feel inside. i don't like this at all.
so many things happened since last i wrote, but i just
don't feel like writing about them. so i'll just stay
lost in thought i guess.
i'm dramatic, i know. maybe so much because i don't have
an outlet for it anymore. not that i have the confidence
for it even if i had the outlet.
final thought: you gotta tell her that you love her, tell
her that you need her...