I've heard a lot about this thing called "office
politics". every time i load msn.com it gives me a link
about how to manage "office politics". apparently office
politics consists of making people think that you like
them, while making sure to ram your dick so far up their
ass when they turn their backs on you that you look like a
shitwit to everyone else.
i've come into contact with this practice first hand now.
first let me give you a demography of whom i work with.
i work with people who were given their jobs because they
knew people in power and have their connections. i found
out why the alcoholic holds such a nice position (her
brother is a judge). anyhow if i were to categorize these
people around me, it would go like this. i work with
jews. how do i know they're jews? because they
constantly say that they're jews. i have been more
enveloped in jewish customs than i ever thought i would
be. did you know that they get punished if someone drops
the torah? or that they aren't allowed to eat during one
of their 1,000 freakin' holidays? did you care? shit no,
and neither did i.
we have blacks that also work for the law firm. they work
in the basement (quite seriously) except for that one
token black girl who got seth's job, now sitting their
like an unwilling golden calf. best seat in the house
with the least amount of qualification, scathed by all
those who knew that seth worked his way up to that
position, but hey.....so it goes.
to break it down more specifically i work with seth
(funniest guy eva, even if he is a christ-crucifying
jew). matt and then some girls whom i try to stay away
from. matt is the one whom seth and i love to annoy.
seth has pretty much given up on the job, i don't blame
him after his demotion. matt on the otherhand still has
those big innocent eyes of aspiration. essentially this
means that he gets nervous as a bitch in heat the second
anyone tells him to do anything. he's so terrified of
fucking up that he heaps all the work upon himself and
then delegates it to anyoen around once he realizes his
back to office politics. here is a scenario. three women
standing together and a third walks by, with a donut and
some chocolate milk. the trio stands there placidly until
the last second when conversation becomes inevitable, the
obvious leader of the terrible three confronts the
lonesome straggler with the groups agreed upon formality:
"heya wanda, looks like you're working too hard girl, you
seem lucky to even be able to catch the light of these
polite laughter all around
"oh donta know it, mr. racca just has me runnin' around to
every which corner of this law firm on his crazy errands."
by now the assumingly short amount of inane banter has
reached a climax and impasse of whether or not it shoudl
go into a break off, or have the straggler join the group,
an awkward outsider caught in the loop of an unfinished
introduction and now hanging in a limbo of tortured adlibs
to the groups already pre-established conversation.
thankfully the laws of the universe deep a clean break off
and the shit-talking commences.
"does wanda ever work? and don't you all think that she
should look over her comment instructions instead of
eating all that food?"
my own personal experience came with the strung out legal
secretary. never fuck with a strung out legal secretary.
i made her aware that she had accidentally left the name
of the receiving attorney on a about 2,000 pending legal
documents and that because of this the documents were now
left sitting in the basement instead of awaiting trial.
"no, no way, that's not my fault, i know for a fact that
ellen had told me not to put that name down."
hm, i thought to myself. nick, she's losing it. back
off, back off and just let this one go to a higher up.
"um, also, mrs. dailey? um, i had stated earlier that
there is no such thing as a non-pending file as this would
just assume that the file would be ready for destruction
as it is no longer in a waiting phase. you should have
labeled them as non-active."
"WHAAAAAAAAAT! YOU told ME? I'm sorry but i'll have you
know that i've been here a good long time and that we
always called them non-pending"
this is where i turned pale and deftly got on my belly and
slid out before the blood spewed from her vagina and
blinded my eyes. from now on i will be more selective of
my pronouns and realize when i stop heaping criticism on
overworked legal secretarys who have already fucked up a