Theres only one you

Beautiful Disaster
2004-10-13 23:11:45 (UTC)

MMMhhhhh

Ok this is something Becca wrote in her diary

---------------

Let's start with Melanie.

We don't talk much anymore. I miss her. I don't miss being
bitched at for the dumbest things though. Nothing is good
enough for that girl anymore. I try and try to be there
for
her, but she just won't have it. Even if you change to fit
her damn mood, it doesn't matter...she still bitches. The
way you eat, talk, sit, walk, what you say...SHE BITCHES
AT
EVERYHING!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING THAT IS?!!? I used
to not piss her off, but now, everyone pisses her off. She
gives me a stomach ache. She makes me mad. I don't even
talk around her. I don't move. I try my best to avoid her
because I'm happy and I want to stay that way. If that
means I don't get to tell my best friend all the detials
about everything...then fine. I'd rather have my head
intact then have a best friend.

---------------

Well let me go ahead and be the first to admit, that i
have been treating Becca like shit. I know i have. And
really i dont know why. Most of the time i havnt had a
reason to. Within the last week she has pissed me off
twice, and i then i had a slight reason to act that way.
But not really. And to tell you the truth, i have been
avioding her latley. Because i dont want to deal with the
way i am feeling and why.

So

Becca i am sorry. I am a bitch and i know it. I dont know
what to say but sorry. Im not promising to change my
actions because that would be a lie. But i will promise to
try, because i can do that. And that is if you even want
me to. And i have noticed you, and i am very happy that
you are happy, and have luke. I am very happy About that.

Ok... on to the next topic

I am going to go and get an evaluation because i really,
just dont know what is wrong with me anymore. I have never
felt this way, and i know that it is not just depression
anymore. I might get medication for it, but at this
moment... i really dont know what i am going to do about
anything.

Im lost, I am alone (and it is my own fault), Im sad, Im
pissed, Im a bitch, I cant sleep, and i have nothing.


I dont know what to do anymore, and really i dont have
anytime to figure it out. I just.... wanna die... simple
as that.

Kim is like the only person i am close to anymore. I think
it is because we are Kind of in ways going through some of
the same things. And we have found a way to vent to
eachother and blah blah blah...(you know why kim)

It makes me sad... i miss becca... i miss everyone... and
i dont know how to fix it all. And i dont know if i have
the time or energy to change it.

Im done. Blah.........




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