The Apple

Fresh Words
Ad 2:
2004-10-08 11:26:03 (UTC)

10.08.04 A Medley of Stuff

Well, I write here at 5:41 in the morning. If you
read my last entry, you know what's been on my mind, and
why I am up so darn early. Don't get me wrong, reader, I'd
much rather be sleep. I just...can't. I lay down and I
think. But for the sake of not sounding superfluous, I wont
get into the whole thing of why I'm agnry, cause I feel so
much more than anger.
There's a big medley of emotions going on inside of
me right now. I feel like 8 different things toward several
different people. I think that perhaps I can list my
emotions in order of their strength:
8. Anxiety
7. Pity
6. Indignation
5. Anger
4. Sadness
3. Confusion
2. Anticipation
1. Fear

I have a lot of fear right now because I care for
Akilah, and the fact that she has such a great chance of
making what I (and everyone) would consider a big mistake
scares me. Again, there is nothing I can do, so right now I
have to talk about it to someone... I have to tell someone.
The whole situation just makes me so darn angry: I don't
know what to do because of all the ways I feel. Honestly, I
would like to drop this entire situation, and not be her
friend anymore so I can stop thinking about it. But Junior
Year, I learned that I must care about all those who are
dear to me, even if it seems they don't feel likewise, or
are behaving irrationally. I must be a big person, because
I know it is the little guy who would drop everything and
withdraw: I'm bigger than that, I care more than that. And
hopefully, in a couple days or so, I hope I can get to the
point where I say "whatever happens, I can be a friend to
----because that has been my high school mission statement
since junior year.
Other than that, I hope to regain my appetite, and my
ability to sleep soon. I must remember that I am Alix
Coupet, and I must behave rationally and maturely and
always put others over my own feelings, because that's what
I have taught myself. It's not easy, though, and it still
hurts. I know I'll be okay, though, given time.