10.07.04 The End of the Beginning
OK Diary, let's forget the sugarcoding, and my
tendency to mindlessly ramble on a subject without
identifying it. I'm hurt right now. Akilah and I just broke
up, I have a headache, and I can't seem to eat or sleep.
Thanks, first of all, to all my friends who listened to me
vent, who know what this is about. Thanks.
Well, bad things DO happen to good people: I can
confirm it. I'm a darn good guy. I'm Alix Coupet. And this
whole garbage, this whole mess, it's just crazy.
So ya know I get the phone call or whatever from
Akilah and she tells me she still likes me but likes
someone else at the same time. Haha! Big surprise. Darn, it
hurt to hear it and it hurt to keep my composure. That's
not the thing I failed to understand, though. The fact that
she liked someone else is something that, being an
understanding human being, I could grow to be content with.
Cause ya know you follow what your heart desires. You
follow where you think the most happiness will be. And if
the most happiness isn't with me, that hurts, but it's
cool, as long as you're happy.
But, you see reader, that's the thing. The guy she
likes, her ex, he's not good news. He's not gonna treat her
right. He's a fraud, a master manipulator. Somehow over the
course of having a long relationship with him where she
CONTINUOUSLY got hurt, she automatically begins to regrow
feelings for him over some late night phone calls. There
really is nothing that I can do, I guess. She's the master
of her own fate. But for me to sit here and not do or say
anything about it, well, that's near impossible. I know
she's hurting herself, heck everyone knows that except her.
And that is the hardest thing to deal with: the fact that
she doesnt know when it's quite lucid to me. I don't know
how it is so easy for him to manipulate her, for her to
think he's changed. I've heard the stories, I know who this
guy is. Heck, SHES heard the stories. Why purposely act
against your own self-interest? WHY? HELLO!!!!!!! PEOPLE
DONT CHANGE: especially not partiers and drinkers who, from
my currents sources, are "on somethin" every weekend. That,
the fact that she thinks he "can change", that makes me
sick to my stomach.
Like I said, I'm hurt, and I of course still like her
very much and care about her. But what the heck am I
supposed to do about such a horrible decision? I know there
is nothing i can do. I dont know WHY she would act so
rashly, just if she knew. I dont know how he can do the
things he does and still not have her know, have her washed
up in the fact that he may be a good guy. What brilliant
rhetoric he must use. Just if he could put it to a good
cause: the man is apparently a gifted speaker, so GO BE A
MINISTER! or do what you say you are gonna do. I thought
she was smart enough to realize that. I guess not. I guess
she'll have to find out for herself, even though I thought
she already had. This whole thing sucks tho, cause its hard
to lose someone you care so dearly about when its over
something so LUDICROUS and stupid.
That's all I'll speak on the matter for now
-A Hurt but Nonetheless Confident Alix