Codesmith

Life, Or Something Like It
2004-10-03 17:37:00 (UTC)

Focus on the Negative

It's 1003, Sunday. 115pm. Blue sky. White clouds. It's
a "nice" day. I kinda enjoy it actually, although I'm more
at home with the rain, grey, and gloomy.

I'm feeling a bit better today. I had a headache when I
woke up this morning ... not real sure where it came from.
I don't think the cider was alcoholic in nature ... and if
it was, it should have probably been nearly non-existent.
I woke up this morning to the house empty. Sorta. I woke
up this morning spooned by Lisa, ... it was such a nice
feeling. I mean, it's been awhile since Lisa and I have
cuddled. I guess the only thing that would have made it
perfect was if it were actually Lisa. When I shifted in
bed so that I could put my arm around her, I felt that
something was just a little wrong. For one, Lisa's
body ... shouldn't be that short. So ... I turned a bit
and wasn't surprised to see it was really the therapist
who was spooning me.

I would have gotten up, but the fact was that I had a
headache that wouldn't seem to go away ... and it was
probably more pain to get up than it was to just lay
there. I figured that Lisa was probably out of the house
at her mother's or something, else the therapist wouldn't
have been so bold as to cuddle with me ... in bed.

I appreciate the consideration though. She told me she
thought that maybe I might need a little more "therapy" in
the morning considering that when I left to go to bed, I
seemed a bit ... depressed. At that moment, I didn't
really care.

Well right now, the therapist is out somewhere too. She
just wanted to stick around till I woke up and was feeling
a bit better than last night.

That kind of reminds me ...

So I woke up about 11am, and after I got out of bed, the
first few things I started thinking about was of
course ... Elle. But more than that. I was wondering why I
have such a hard time focusing on the positive things in
life. I mean, ... given the relatively infinite amount of
ways to emotionally perceive a situation, ... I invariably
almost always pick the absolutely most pessimistic
perception of all. Why do I focus on the negative so much?

This morning was expontentially a lot more better than
last night. For one, I felt better. I suppose the sleep
has something to do with it. Maybe it's something else. I
mean, I always feel better about emotional things when I
have something to cheer me up. ... I think I begin to
understand the woman's need to shop ... although that
kinda raises some interesting questions. If a woman shops
alot, does that mean they're depressed an awful lot?

My focus on the negative is quite interesting. I've always
tried to peg myself as a realistic person, but last night
just goes to show that I'm more of a pessimist than I am a
realist. Why?

At first glance, I guess one of the reasons why is because
if I pick the worst case scenario of any situation, then
most likely it won't really come to pass, and as a result
it's like a positive net gain. Sorta like 100% gain, if
you assume the worst case scenario and the chance of a
worst case scenario is like 1%.

I don't know. But I should get started on my project. I
don't think I'll be done today. But I should get as much
of it done as possible.




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