Hollie bee

KiKi lAnd
2004-10-03 03:18:20 (UTC)

drugs

my dad moved back in a few days ago.
yet everything is STILL the same.
this is still so fucked up.
i give up.
i cant do this...
there is no way i can deal with this
and still stay Edge.
its easy in the summer.. i always have something to do
i dont have anything to do anymore...
dude i just wanna crawl away and ...
STOP PRETENDING AND FAKING SANITYYYYYYYYYYY
i need drugs
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
::puts head down:: uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhgggghh
this is so hArd, i HATE this..
i HATE knowing i dont need to deal with this in a straight
frame of mind, and i can go back to doing what i usually
do...?????? its sooo much easier.
it doesnt cure anything.. just puts it at a distance.
i will be the biggest failure if i do this.
it doesnt matter how many people have let me down.
if i start letting myself down, what am i supposed to do.
im so uninspired now that *someone* started using again
GAH, it just.. makes me believe in giving up all over again
and that no matter how hard you try to resist it pulls you
back in, its such a trAp. its so EASY to quit. but theres
still that Longing for it. Its always there in the back of
my mind..
"what i can do to forget about life"
AH I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE IT
i go to bed and i dont wake up until 2 pm. and then i go to
work and everything is strung out... and calm
cant feel anything, cant be stressed out, dont care.
everything in a semi conscious state of mind.
the day goes by in a daze.
but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOU CANT DO THIIIISSSSSSSSSS.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO. just NO.
Fuck you. FUCK you.

i knew you wouldnt understand
just what im trying to say
cos your not Fucking me
and im so glad that im not FUCKING YOU
i know its my problem
theres nothing i can do
i dont think there is no reason
i dont think theres no excuse for you
well ive learned my lesson
i hope youve learned it too
and if theyre gonna go and do it to me
well i guess im gonna have to go and do it to YOU
and i dont really care, how you CRY
i hAte you fuck you leave me alone
i hAte you fuck you leave me alone
-Reel big Fish
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alright, so i just had an argument with myself about drugs
Great.
however. I WON. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck YOU, Drugs. You LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE
AWLRIGHT, im a winner for THAT one..
yeah i feel bad for the people who read my journal.
i shouldnt even HAVE a journal.
my thoughts are too retarded to even take up space on the
internet.. haha
whatever, im not that Emo. im just Angry/ confused
wooo im tired
i went hardcore schizophrenic tonight
---------------------------------------------------

I WILL NOT RAPE IZAIAH..
Yes i will, who am i kidding,
...NO!! I WONT DO IT.!!! REALLY
YEAHhh ahaha I WILL.
Noooooooo i WONT.
Yes i will.
I MEAN NO!!!!!!!
Yeeeesssss. .....
NO.
Oh alright, you win.
no no no you dont.
yeahhh, i think so.
No, i really dont think so.
yeh, alright fine.
(No really though im just kidding.)
or am i??
well i dont really know?
No, im wikkid just kidding.
HAHA, no im NOT.
seriously, im joking.
yah i just threw that in there to be confusing.
gotta get myself out of a seriously depressing mood.
so ill just think about raping izAiah HAHA
oh man, i need to kick myself in the face for thinking like
that
its allllll fun and games until izAiah gets rAped.
LOL.... Dude shuuuuut Uppppp.
im TALKING to myself.
its really time for bed....
ahhh, least i can laugh about it.




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