jen

Too Much to Say
2004-09-29 21:36:50 (UTC)

how dare you

i wasn't going to stoop to the immaturity level of my
opposing parties and bitch on the internet for all the
world to read, but i fully intend on dealing with these
matters IN PERSON (god forbid), and there is entirely too
much on my mind, i must vent somewhere.

the world is making me sick right now. absolutely sick. i
read something the other day that literally almost made me
throw up. i was so disgusted with how horrible this person
had become, my stomach was launched into my throat. i
don't understand people anymore. it's funny how the people
who have NEVER really understood me are bitching about the
one and only person who has ever truley understood the
deepest stirrings of my heart and mind.

and the one thing i thought people did know about me was
how much of a dorky hopeless romantic i was. i found
love...the most perfect love...one that fulfills every
dream, desire, longing i've ever had. i didn't fall into
it, i didn't develop an unhealthy dependence on it, i CHOSE
it. because it was everything i wanted.

i have never, in my life, felt so much anger and hate in my
heart as i do now. god forgive me...and take it
away...because you know i don't have the strength to do it
on my own right now. jason brings out so many wonderful
qualities in me that i thought i would never have. when
i'm with him i'm unselfish, i'm submissive, i'm not bossy
or prideful. a lot of the time i surprise myself. these
people who object to this incredible man are stirring hate,
pride, anger, violence...every horrible thing you can think
of, they are stirring within me. i have NEVER wanted to
physically hurt another human being in my life until
yesterday. that's how furious i was. luckily my anger
subsided and i didn't start a boxing match when we met.

i don't understand how friends (over and over again) get
upset by me not spending time with them, when they never
offer an invitation. i have never once blown off plans
with a friend for jason. i've even put together times to
be with my friends without jason. infact, i've blown off
JASON a time or two for a friend...and consequently hurt
his feelings. is everyone happy now? they're all right
though, i do choose jason over them. as i should do for my
future husband. we are the two who will be yoked together,
working together, partners for life.

my statement to the world right now:

how dare any of you try to destroy this beautiful
relationship and happy occasion!

everyone is absolutely RUINING the happiest days of my
life. i promise everyone that this has been, without a
doubt, the worst week of my entire life thanks to all
my "best" friends. thanks a bunch. you have all brought
me more grief than i ever knew i could feel.


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