2004-09-29 16:17:28 (UTC)

Can't catch up...

There seems to be way more things that I'm doing. I'm
avoiding all of them, yet I am still not getting enough
sleep. Instead of recruiting, I end up playing devil may
cry. I'm actually pretty far. Got to Dante must Die mode.
It really rocks. I've been having too many bad
conversations with Tim, about not doing what I'm suppose
to be doing. It's a bitch that I'm not doing what I should
be. It's just making calls. But I think I needed this
little downfall. It made me realise what I should do
should I have a downfall. If my team has one, I will know
what to tell them now. How to go to their happy place.
It's awesome to be in this company. Turns out that I had
it all along. The perfect goal for life. The plan is
there. In my mind though. I just need to draw myself a
road map. To have a real clear and concise understanding
to where I'm going.

A thought freightens me. The thought that I have to grow
up. I've been thinking about that yesterday. Especially
when Tim said that he's glad I'm more mature for a 19 year
old. I was flattered ofcourse, but I already knew this. I
find myself being more and more motivated about the
business everytime I talk to someone about it. Especially
when I recruit. When I really start talking about it. Bad
thing about that is, that it consumes my life, and though
for the most part I don't mind an awesome thought
consuming my mind, but at certain points it's just like,
give me a break, and let's just play dnd.

I finally got my players handbook. I keep thinking that I
should have not spent the 20 bucks. But hey, better doing
this now then later. Besides, I want to finally after
almost a year be able to creat my own character completely
out of scratch without anyones help. And be able to do my
own leveling up. I really want to stop asking, where do I
find that, or what do I add to that. It makes the game
more enjoyable. And I enjoy playing it.

Now I'm going to go home though, and make myself a plan
for all the things I want to do. I've made the plan
before, but this time I need a blue print, a large one
that I can paste on my wall and follow religiously.

The goal is self improvement. I need it, I want it. The
matter of me growing up and truly maturing is just
dependent upon implementing that plan. That plan that I'm
going to create this afternoon. Followed by recruiting if
there's time, and then definately setting my appointments.
Yes. That is it. Thank you London, we love you goodnight.