my so called life
2004-09-27 08:41:33 (UTC)

Rough couple of days

These last few days have been a bit rough. Wednesday was
the 23th of September, which was my grandmother's birthday.
Having to go through birthdays and holidays, especially
Christmas without her isn't easy. So I've been feeling
somewhat down lately. I wrote my grandfather a letter to
cheer him up, and I also phoned him Wednesday. He was very
happy about the letter, he wrote me back the next day. He
also appriciated me phoning him, and he didn't seem to be
too upset about her birthday. He didn't even mention it,
but there's no doubt in my mind that he knew what day it
was and was sad. But at least I hope it cheered him up that
I thought of him.

I also have some issues with my friends here.. I don't
know, everything was much easier at home. Here I don't seem
to quite fit in, and I don't always feel at ease with my
friends. I have three "best friends", and I find myself
very much in the middle. Two of them are very different, I
think I've written this before. And sometimes I feel more
like one of them and sometimes like the other. And it's not
like I think that we have to be almost the same person to
be friends, but I wish I had someone who was more like me..
I guess I miss having someone who knows what I'm feeling,
someone I can recognize my thoughts in. But beeing in the
middle of two quite extreme personalities is tiresome.
The third one is in many ways in the same position as me,
but she's so totally devoted to one of the others that I
can't deal with it. I guess this sounds cryptic, but I
really can't explain it. I miss high school when everything
was easy (go figure).

Ben and I, on the other hand, are doing great. He just
makes me so happy, living with him is wonderful. He is
everything that I miss in a friend, and tho he is my best
friend, I miss a girl friend who gets me the way he does.
I guess you can't have everything.

Sad Cath