Beauty Within

Fuck Me Pretty
2004-09-24 02:25:02 (UTC)

Retarded Emotions

Everything just started building up and spilled over at a
strange time.

I just started stressing about everything, I was alone
here and figured it was okay to let it out. So I did. I
just let my mind run free and i thought and i thought and
i thought and I started talking to Mandi....

Mand: my mom's still askin about salmon days
Me: oddly enuff, so is mine
Mand: really?
Me: yah, a few minutes ago actually. she
asked if I knew Salmon Days was coming up and if I wanted
her to think about letting me go over there
Mand: what'd you tell her?
Me: i told her i was busy doing homework
Me: Malia and I were thinking of going, to
Salmon Days that is. but it would be easier if we could
drive
Me: ...legally that is
Mand: lol, ya
Me: but yah idk
Mand: ya my moms like "so is kimmi coming?!" and
im like "well...uh...thats a funny story...you see...i
dont...really...know" and she's like "...oh, ok well find
out soon!!" im like whoa there someone's a tad loopy
Me: no kissing
Me: wait
Me: no
Me: kidding***
Me: ma bad
Me: I want to go though, good memories, good
times
Mand: ya, it always was
Mand: haha
Mand: smoke em
Me: omg! hahaha i soooo remember that
Mand: that had to have been the BEST joke from
last year
Me: seriously! 'wanna smoke em?' hahaha I
still remember last time I saw everyone. at the flying pi

((At about here in the conversation my eyes started to
water))

Mand: ya i remember that
Mand: playin pacman
Me: of course
Me: kareoke in the park
Mand: man oh man, mason's trying to get me to do
that this year so he can hear me sing, im like ummmm no!
cause i told him that every year you manage to get me to
do it someway or another, and he was like well i bet i can
do it i was like uhhh no sorry ur not kim, not the same
effect

((Than out of no where, the first tear fell)

Me: i don't mean to totally kill that
conversation but that made me cry
Mand: no no dont cry, think of the eggrolls!
Me: I just miss it so much it hurts and I
was SOOO gonna say that
Mand: well i said it first, so lol
Me: lol yah yah

((Now I start balling))

Mand: i dunno....do u wanna come this year? it'd
be nice to see u again, and i know mommy misses u like
none other

((Now im balling so hard I can't see, and im talking to no
one in paticular and crying))

Me: i really really do

-----


Im breaking down. School is killing me, missing her is
killing me, being pissed off at him is killing me, my
mom's results are killing me, wishing he were older is
killing me, people are killing me, I'M killing me.


If my mom doesn't let me go im gonna be so pissed. Just
thinking about it makes my head spin, im gonna have to be
really good and suck up a lot and then pour my heart out.
im ready to do whatever it takes.




Ad: