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2004-09-23 18:48:17 (UTC)

A bit of time...

Finally got a bit of time. Primerica is still what I do.
James signed his RVP contract and I'm happy for him. But I
along with Damien, Tim, and Charles were part of the
replacement leg. This means that Tim is training me now.
It was a cool idea at first, but now we can't recruit off
of career builder, we have to pay for office space, and we
all together have to succeed. I'm not making much money at
the moment due to me still being in training, not learning
as fast as I should I guess. Damien beat me and got to 4x5
before me. It sucks and I lost a bet. Now I've been forced
in to some other ones which I knew we didn't have good
chances of winning. Mainly because there's four of us,
with our crappy teams. Sorry to say, it's true.

I've been thinking more and more of doing this part time.
I can't help it. I really need another job to get back
into the arts. I've strayed so much from it recently. I
hate that. I know it's a bad thing to do, but I started
looking for jobs. Just some odd, artsy jobs like ushering
or something. I'm going to an interview at this place that
called for misfits and such. So naturally I got an
interview today at 3:15. Hopefully I'm not overdressed.
They said in the ad: "No dress code, no yuppies, no
kidding." The lady I talked to was very nice and real. She
was cool. This calls for Full time I believe. It entails
art distribution. The ad mentioned 500 a week so hopefully
I'll get it and will be able to do it. Hopefully I won't
need the car.

The car has been dying often now. It's been hard to get it
started. Often times, it just doesn't start. Like last
night when I was over at Eric's house. Oscar gave it a
push and it went. Yeay! I love that car to death, but
really, I'm giving up on it.

I've started school seems like 4 weeks ago already. My
classes are writing and reading from 8 to 11 on Mondays
and Wednesdays, along with French and Photography from 9
to 2 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I keep coming late. I
figure, maybe I should care a little bit more about
school. I mean, I am coming here to eventually become the
next Hitchcock. I keep thinking that maybe I've strayed
with Primerica. Don't get me wrong, it is a great
experiance and helped me realise how to overcome so many
objections, fears and natural disasters that well, I see
now, can indeed be overcome with no more then patience and
a plan. I have more faith in myself. If I were making my
4x5 every month, and would have a car, I don't think I'd
be looking for other jobs. If there would be something
artistic that I would like to get my hands on, I'd just do
it. Since everything in art costs money though, that is my
current road block.

I figure, I'm not gonna quit Primerica. If I totally don't
do well in it for an extended period of time well then I
can say I learned alot,(which I did,) I had a good run and
move on. I'm not exactly sure I want that to happen
though. I'm trying to pile more things on to my schedule
now. FT career, FT school, I need another job that's
artsy, I need to be able to do my own thing, I need to
continue playing dnd sufficiently, and I want to go back
to girl scouts and create my own troop. Someone out there
needs me to change their lives.

About that... I had this dream that I lived in a house
with about 6 people. 1/2 male, 1/2 female, all around my
age and a bit up. The guys left and left a unpined
granade. We women started packing things up and trying to
get out, but no one wanted to call the cops for help,
until we get out. There was also a little island boy. He
had brown skin, was about 5 and I say Island boy cause I
know he was not white or hispanic. Maybe a mutt. So he's
just standing there while were frantically unplanfully are
trying to get some stuff together and dispatch. So I take
him in my arms and it didn't really matter what I was
doing. I knew I wasn't making much progress out the door,
but I was trying to save the kid. Eventually I thought
that maybe I was doing him more harm then good. Besides,
we all should have gotten out by now.

I also started thinking to myself again. (This was before
this dream.) I realized that I don't Hate kids. I just
hate the way they grow up to be stupid because their
parents were stupid. The last thing we need is a larger
stupid population. So I will take it upon myself to cure
the world of stupid polish children atleast. (Hey,
everyone's gotta start somewhere.)

I've been thinking more and more of getting back to the
things I wanna do. I want to see every movie that comes
out, and atleast one old one per week. I want to do Yoga,
meditation, calligraphy, EyeQ, reading, writing, and just
being artistic on a regular basis. I need this. I need to
see how much I can take, because to tell you the truth
that 's really what I need. Enough of a challange doing
things I wanna do, so that I will fight to keep it up. It
doesn't matter how much it hurts with me, it matters how
pleasant it is. I will fight to remain with the feeling of
pleasure, much more then fight to change the feeling of

My writing sucks if you haven't noticed. It's on my list
of things to do to change that. Apparently I can write
some pretty sounding things, but they won't make sense. My
grammar sucks too.

My computer has been rejecting online interaction for the
longest time. I've been too everything so going to the
library was not on my list of things to do ever. Now that
I'm in school, the computer lab is almost always opened,
and just around the corner. How convenient.


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