BrandieBoo

Brandles Diary
2004-09-21 02:34:37 (UTC)

realizing...

Well, there are times when I really want to call him and to
keep myself from doing that, I just get on here on write.
And well, when I can't do that, I just try to think about
something else. Lets see what can I start off with today?
Oh, I got in a wreck. It was really scary, I am not dead or
anything but, its the first bad enough one I had been in.
The whole time I thought about him. If I was to die, would
he know, would he care, would he of wanted to tell me some
last things? But, I would never get to know because I'd be
dead. Well, that didn't make me calm down anymore. Because
of that, I didn't get to school until really late. So it
all started off bad, then... I find out I need to take an
extra english, as if I dont already have a load. It's okay
I will get through it thought. I still feel like sometimes
I am only doing this for tommy. I still feel like he loves
me the same before that day. I still feel like he didn't
say the things he said. But, I am not, he doesnt and he
did. It sucks. No one is better than him. I know that for a
fact. I have thought a lot about him lately. I keep
thinking that he did this to be with sarah roberts. It
depresses me. It pisses me off to tell the truth. Because
if that is the truth, I should of known it all along. I
mean I know shes hot and I now tommy knows I think craig is
hot, but I'd never give him a chance. Wow, I don't know
what to think. Anyways, I hope he's having a good life, ha
ha the past week. WOw, I am gay. Anywayssss picture day is
on wednesday. I am so not ready. I hope they look good.
But, oh wells. Wow, dont know what I am saying...ha ha I
was driving today and I saw a llama, it made me think of
him. I saw his face, as if he was right next to me. And he
was giving the smile like I love you and I gave it
back...it felt like one of the moments in sedona, as if it
was still happening. but. it wasnt. Life sucks sometimes.
It really does. It's okay though. I will get through it. If
only he knew something, I wish I would of told him... its
worthless now. Well, anyways maybe I shouldnt of said some
of the things I said, I was just mad. I know he could of
put some heart into it and sent me a bday card, but you
never know with him. Mom is coming home today, they said
she could. I have no more to say. Love. (as he would say)
bye




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