Sarah

dying fears and broken tears
2004-09-18 03:45:59 (UTC)

Cry

Sorry I didn't write yesturday. I was just so upset that I
was actually crying, and I cried for several hours. You
see, last Thursday I went to YAG, which is the young adult
group at my church. I had a really good time, we went to
Starbucks and I had a blast. But when I wanted to go last
night, my mother kept saying that I was too young, just
because everyone else there had already graduated high
school and they were in college. Excuse me for being so
smart and mature. I called my sister about it cause she's
the reason why I was going to yag in the first place, and
now she's saying that I'm too young. It's not fair. She's
been taking me to college lectures since I was six, and
I've been hanging out with older people all my life. But
now they're all of a sudden deciding that I'm too young to
do that stuff anymore. It's a bit late to be doing that
now. They should have thought of that years ago. I
understand where they're coming from but still, they have
no clue who I am. They don't know anything about my life
and what I go through. And now I'm starting to think they
don't want to know either. It's saddening, but I've been a
stranger to my family for so long now. If they read any of
my journals they wouldn't recognise me. They don't
understand the pain that I feel. I felt like I actually
belonged to that group, and to be told that I can't belong
anymore, it just crushes me. That's probably one of the few
things that I want in life, is to finally belong. When I
went on the San Antonio trip for orchestra, I started
crying hysterically cause I thought that my friends had
left me. I just couldn't handle it, and I still can't.
I'm still very upset over this. I just wish that I didn't
have to hide who I was anymore. But I can't let them see
the real me. I just can't. I tried to tell them about all
that they've missed last night, but I chickened out. My
life is a secret to them, and that's the way it'll have to
stay. I don't know how to change it, but I don't know if I
really want to change it either. I don't know. I'm just
so tired of all this crap that they keep trying to feed
me. They're so hypocritical. They try to get me
interested in something and when I finally do like and want
to learn more about it they tell me I can't because I'm too
bloody young. I'm not a child anymore. I haven't a child
in a long long time. I'm not a little girl. I'm young
woman. But they can't see that. They don't want to see
that and so by hiding it from themselves, they destroy me.
I hate it, but there's nothing I can do. And so instead, I
just sit here and write about it. That's all I can do
anymore. That's all I can do.


"Nobody's Home"

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left
behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah





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