Bert

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2004-09-16 00:11:14 (UTC)

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well, it's been a long time. I'm surprised this diary still exists.

Makes me feel old, how unhappy I used to be. I am more content
than I have ever been right now. Responsibility will do that to you.


I have scratches all up and down my arms from our puppy, who
weighs about 70 lbs and loves to jump on me. For that and other
reasons we are going to try and give him away. To a family that
has time for him and can train him not to jump or bite. He is really a
happy, good dog. I'm just a horrible mother.

For the first time in three years I am not contributing somehow to
the school paper. Strange, but good. I did submit one cartoon for
the first issue, but other than that I've been busy.

So strange to read back over these posts. I had so much anger,
makes me feel like I am emotionless now in comparison. But
things take time, I guess, like my shitty friend. I don't even think
about her anymore, until someone asks. I don't really care. I used
to care so much, if her life didn't end up fucked up, I would get
angry. Now, you know, people suck, but you just have to separate
yourself from them, let their life happen like it will. It doesn't really
matter.

Speaking of anger, last week his dad told his work that his son had
been in an accident. Through family, this information got around to
me. I called him, he didn't answer. I hysterically called the hospital,
he wasn't there. After driving around looking for him and sobbing, I
get home and there he is, sitting on the front porch, smoking a
cigarrette. His dad just wanted to leave work early. We can't be too
angry, it is something he would do.

That 70s Show is on, I can hear it in the living room. Stevens father
just walked in. I'm hungry. I made myself this nasty soup of chicken
soup, noodles, diced tomatoes, and peas. Weird, huh? It was OK.
Also had popcorn to go with it. I am a horrible cook. But I enjoy my
concotions. Sometimes. I'm thinking about making some chocolate
chip muffins from the mix. Those are good.

I really want to finally write my novel. It has changed so much over
the years, but its always existed, if just in my head. I think I finally
have something concrete to go on. I am excited about it. And it's
not too out there, like my dabble in fantasy, which takes too much
work to make believable I think. So my new idea is based in this
book I read in elementary school, about a girl who is thrown out a
car, recuparates in the hospital, makes a thousand cranes out of
oragami paper, and at night is magically transported or dreams
that she goes to where the Greek Gods live. I think it was Greek. It
has been more than a decade. Anyway, just the idea that in the
hospital, everything is so routine, so bare, that you have to live in
your head. I want to write about my own experience in that, add the
hallucinagic drugs and it could become a really cool story. Not
sure yet if it will be fiction or nonfiction.

Anyway, I'm still hungry. Think I'll ladle out so more of the red,
green and creamy soup. Really, it sounds grosser than it tastes.




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