The Babelsburg Effect

1337 J0I_IRII41
2004-09-15 20:25:36 (UTC)

PI-I34R M4I M4D 1337 810GGIII' 5II11Z!!!

This is a very bad story with some good ideas that could
be a great story. If I'd work on it. It's been stuck on a
page of one of my sites that has no link to it from
anywhere for a couple years now. R34D I7!!! Btw, e-mail me
at [email protected]
Once upon a time in a land far away lived a foundling
named Bob. Since his name was spelled the same both
forward and backward people would often call him Bob and
get away with it, though that was not his name. He was
found in a teapot outside of a small village. If you are
thinking that he was a very small child, you would be
wrong, for he was a perfectly ordinary-sized child. It
was the teapot that was unusual. This teapot was ten feet
around at its base. It had been accidentally enlarged by
a forgetful witch who was trying to make her tea
stronger. It crushed the poor witch and quite a bit of
her house, but in honor of the teapot, the little town
became known as Camellia.
Bob was an ordinary child, as his name suggests. He did
not write poetry, sing songs, or play The lute. He did
play violent games in the pastures with all the other
little boys, entirely unlike a standard foundling.
Everyone in town forgot that that was what he was and he
wasn't mocked for it as he normally would be.
As he grew older, he grew even less unusual. Occasionally
when he was a boy he would inadvertently say something
that rhymed, sing the right note when bellowing sheep-
herding songs with the other village boys, or say
something that wasn’t entirely dull (or at least hadn’t
been said hundreds of times before by the people in the
town). As a teenager, these tendencies left him. He
never rhymed, sang, or said something that wasn’t entirely
dull. In fact, he rarely said anything at all that
couldn’t be heard at the same time in some other part of
the village.
When he was found in the teapot no one wanted him. No one
ever wants foundlings. I'm not sure why, that's just what
I've read. Even though the good people who take in the
foundlings are always richly rewarded by their Real Royal
Relatives, village people still having trouble coping with
a unique child. They never think that in twelve years
they won't be able to afford their home and the foundling
will go on a quest that results in a quick solution to
their money problems.
But when Bob was eighteen the family still had had no
problems paying for their simple lifestyle so Bob had not
gone on his customary quest. But, low and behold, a huge
storm hit and ripped through all the fences and roofs.
Their animals were scattered to the winds, never to be
seen again, although sometimes, on foggy nights, you can
still hear their terrified cries of, “Mooo! Mooooooo!”
*cusses excessively* I thought the story on the site was
all I'd written so far! My first comp crashed and now the
rest of it is lost. Even though I remember it it'll never
sound as good again.
The rest of it:
Bob's adopted mother was stricken with grief over the loss
of her favorite chicken, Blanche. She took to her bed with
a fever and didn't get up for three days. Bob was
desperately worried about her and spent hours looking for
the hen, to no avail, until, on the third day, he was
moping underneath a tree when something fell and splatted
on his head. Gooey raw egg ran down his face.
"Aha!" he said. "Everything in the universe is being
pulled toward everything else, and since the Earth has
more mass than the egg, the egg seems to fall toward the
Earth! I shall call this Newton's Universal Law of
Gravity!" Then he looked up and realized poor, flightless
Blanche had been stuck in the tree for three days, and
that was why the poor, and coincidentally but
inconsequentially flightless neighbors had been
complaining about pesky children throwing eggs and forgot
about his discovery. Luckily enough, because this was
several centuries too soon and would have monumentally
thrown off the course of history.




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