The Apple

Fresh Words
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2004-09-14 17:49:28 (UTC)

9.14.04 The Stages of Alix

I have found that a state of sleep deprivation is, well,
pejorative too my overall demeanor. OK, psychologists
determined this years ago, and i guess i kind of figured it
out years ago too. But then why is it that i continue to
fail to give myself the adequate amount of rest? I think I
am smart enough to know what is best for me. I think it has
something to do with will power, that when I arrive home
from school and see an empty bed with no 6'0 160 lb senior
in it, I feel that there is something missing. I guess i
dont even think about if i should sleep or not...my body
just sort of assumes, and begins to shut itself down around
5:00. really I guess I should have a say in the manner, and
I should probably weigh the costs and benefits of what time
I go to sleep.
If you are a friend (or girlfriend) of mine, then you
are aware of how annoying it is when I cut our time short
in order to sleep. I say now that it has nothing to do with
you. It's my body, my high school sleep schedule. I get
half my sleep after school and half of it during the night
time.
I think that, proportionally, I am only like half Alix
when I get half of my required sleep. I'm sort of out of
it, depending on how much evening sleep I obtained...But
using logic, since my cumulative amount of hours slept is a
total somewhat near that of other peoples', shouldnt i be
equally as rested? Does it make a difference that there are
2 or three hours of me being awake and alert between my two
major sleeping periods? I dont think it should, as I know
how much of a better person (yes, a better person) I am
when I am wide awake.
It has also occured to me that there are several nuances
to my "daily being", if you will...the main variable
affecting this being my amount of rest over the previous
night/morning. I would say that I could safely break it
into multiple stages:

9 or more consecutive hours of sleep:(10% of the time)
Extremely rare.
This is a state of Alix that is intensified, to say the
least. I feel I am at my best, and my wit is at this level
that is absolutely
astounding...my vocabulary is huge, and my critical
thinking speed and abilities are off the charts. In this
state, I am The Man, "Big AL", if you will. Faster,
smarter....BETTER than you. Extreme Confidence.

6-8 Consecutive Hours of Sleep: (60% of the time)I find
that when I get
this many consecutive hours, I am in a much better mood in
the morning than I am in the later hours of the day. There
are two points in this stage in which I absolutely demand
sleep: one comes at about 12:30, which I cannot usually
fulfill due to school or whatever I am doing at noon...and
the other comes at 4:30-5:00...the latter of these is one I
simply cant ignore. I lay down and will usually wake 2 to 4
hours later. In this stage, those who I communicate with
can sense my charm, but with that comes
this...almost "i dont care" personna, usually interpreted
accurately, since my main focus is to get into bed.

4-6 Consecutive Hours of Sleep: (18%)I'm a step behind with
most
things in this state. I sort of have a "slurred reality"
thing going on, if you will, where I step in and out of my
ordinate surroundings. I find myself becoming frustrated at
anything that's even slightly tedious, and even those i am
closest to find me to be in rather low spirits. My mind
becomes solely monochromatic: every single inch of my brain
will capriciously focus on a random thought/detail, which
will make my responses to my environment rather slow.

0-4 Hours of Sleep: (12%)I find myself utterly angry at the
world. There is a bitter taste in my mouth, my hair is a
mess, bags under my eyes...i feel this tremendous rage
toward people I dont like...and I can snap at the drop of a
hat. When arguing in a state like this, I tend to be
agressive, with veins and red spots appearing on my
face...yelling with a wide open mouth. I dont even really
desire sleep as much as I do to wallow in my
tiredness...nothing is smooth in this state, everything is
uncomfortable. My confidence is low.

Some find it sad that so much depends on the amouunt of
sleep I get. I am just used to it....I live my life this
way, and as unhealthy as it may be, it is difficult to
alter. Usually --and right now not being an exception-- i'm
in the 6-8 catergory, which means I must rest up, because
it is 5:00, and my body demands shut-down.

Alix


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