chocoladehagelslag

drmadrmwriting
2004-09-12 06:06:09 (UTC)

Today and tomorrow

Life has been tough for me the past few months. At least
tougher than anything I faced with my parents. Brett
decided that he didn't love me nor was attracted to me. So
I went on my "merry" little way, engagement off,
relationship off, and holding onto Jesus. God is amazing.
I felt so rejected and pained but knew that He was there
with me, encouraging me with His word.

Last week, Brett confessed his love for me. He had been
changed by God and given another chance now to love me. He
talked about how he wanted to marry soon, and of course I
was ECSTATIC about that. I have loved Brett and known that
I want to spend my life with him for a long time and to
hear those words, exhilerated me. Could our time be near?
I feel adamant that it is. But...Brett isn't as sure (as
far as I know) and that is ok.

Still, when I heard that he wasn't sure about getting
married soon, I felt as though everything was spiraling
down again to the same place and instead of behaving
maturely, I acted like a child. Me wanting to know what
was going on, and asking for a decision is healthy, but I
whined and got ugly by the end of the night. Eventually
pushing Brett away. I felt horrible and cried myself to
sleep again. Luckily, God had a message for me at Women of
Worth this weekend. I apologized to Brett, still have hope
in us, but mostly am holding on to my Papa (God). I don't
know where Brett stands and that is a shaky feeling, but I
know that God will take care of me and Brett. Whimper...
(bittersweet)




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