FloydianSlip

Going Postal
2004-09-09 06:16:25 (UTC)

Don't know what to say

I checked the times and it did not rain when Ed committed
suicide. If you don't believe me look for yourself.
http://www.wunderground.com/history/airport/KMIA/2004/6/22/D
ailyHistory.html Ed was so excited when he found god in
the rain. He went to kill himself one time and one single
raindrop fell from the sky. It was a clear day with no
chance of rain.

I had never seen him so happy or excited about something
before. He said that if god was listening and loved him to
give him a sign to live. He got the raindrop...a single
raindrop. He used to call me when it was raining and
relive that experience over again. I remember one time he
called me from work during a really bad storm. Nobody
wanted to leave but he took a walk on his lunch break in
hurricane like conditions while talking to me on the
phone...just laughing and smiling. He said it was a great
day.

I wonder if he stood there and asked god to save him again
or if he just pulled the trigger. Maybe god had no rain to
spare that day.

I sometimes feel like I failed him though I know what he
needed was more than I could give. I should have kept in
better contact with his mom. But then again she couldn't
monitor him 24/7 and if he was going to do it he was going
to do it. She was aware of how bad he was though.

Sometimes I wish it was all just a sick joke and Ed would
come back and be like "Hey everyone I missed you" *humps a
pillow and buttfucks everyone with a strap on* ...But I
know he's never coming back...at least not the way I want
him to. I know he's happier where he is and that's
comforting.

I was walking today and someone had the cologne on that
Jimmy King used to wear. It made me physically shaky and
almost brought me to my knees. I couldn't tell who was
waering it but damn it smelled good. One of Jimmy's kids
put a bottle of his favorite cologne on his grave. I
wanted to take it and keep it because it's one of the last
memories I have of him...but I left it.

I'll never forget that smell.




Ad: