Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2004-09-09 01:47:53 (UTC)

August 9, 2004 11:14 AM

Ok, Jay is great.  I care about him a lot since I've known him for
almost 9 years and he's one of my best friends.  He needs to get a clue
though.  He came over last night and we talked over ice cream.  After
that he left to go do something with John and Thomas.  He was very clear
that he was not going to tell John that he had gone to ice cream with
me.

I kept telling him John would NOT mind if he mentioned it.  But Jay
wouldn't listen and made up some story about doing ice cream with his
family.  The whole half truth thing is nothing new...he does it all the
time.  Either totally lies or just doesn't tell parts of the story.  Now
that it involves me I'm pretty frustrated about it.

Jay found something I wrote online and kinda freaked.  At least now
someone other than Dave and Chris knows about it.  Thankfully Jay just
took it in stride afterwards.  It actually helped him realize that other
people contemplate things.

The writing in question was a short bit that I wrote about a year and a
half ago.  Dave has never read it, but he knows about me having
contemplated things...suicide being one of them.

***Just so you know I have not been suicidal in quite a while.  YIPEE
ME!!!***

Jay mentioned he had felt like that before so this made him feel
alright.  So I guess I'm glad he read it.

Dave knows a lot more about all those feelings and thoughts I've had.
That is the reason he was so concerned a while ago.  I think he is more
ok with what he knows.

Oh, on an amazing note...I got a hug from Dave on Saturday!!!  I was in
heaven.  I have been waiting for forever to get a hug from him.  I damn
near creamed my panties!  The last time he hugged me was about 14 months
ago and he was mostly drunk.