benatarRocker84

goddess of imaginary light
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2004-09-07 20:57:27 (UTC)

sickness of the heart

so ive been takin these pills
to boost my metabolisim...but i dont always eat food with
them...i mean
i think i look disgusting and need to loose weight so i
got these to help when i exercise, to help with my
appetite, whatever
dana didnt eat this morning...i felt so nauseated
throughout class, i mean seriously i thought i was gonna
blow chunks over the guy in front of me!!!
i got home, ran to the bathroom, and threw up!! ugh...
there was blood...i know im hurting with myself, i cant
help it...im afraid....at one point afterwards i checked
my stomach out to see if i looked skinnier...am i getting
to be the person who does this? at one point i thought i
would never eat when i take em so i could throw up
everything...what does that say...i need to get off my ass
and work harder, the natural, healthy way...as well as eat

on a good note i talked to dick last night, i enjoy
talking to him, he always makes me laugh...

i had a dream about chris last night, that we were
together...but im not sure that thats what i want..in it
we seemed like we were together,but he was distant...like
its not that important to him..i wish i could read
dreams...i think it means that thats how he is, and i know
this, despite what he tells me...
how is it i never trust anyone...i wish i could...but they
have to prove that i can trust them...chris hasnt done
that yet, and until he does...he wont be in my life


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