Pritheos

My Diary (Brill title)
2004-09-03 22:24:08 (UTC)

What haven't we done in a long time?

Title is a question,

Anwser is a gd ol' depressing entry of realisation.

Yes, prepare for a lot of fun as I delve into my own
psyche.

The expression goes 'You can't change a person' which is
in all fairness true. One cannot change ones personal
nature to adapt to their situation so simply. if this
expression is true, which it is, then it seems I have
discovered my destiny, as I'm sure everyone around me
already knows.

Maybe this is rejection finally starting to hit home
(again). Maybe not. I don't know and I don' care. My
inability to talk casually with women is what I've now hit
upon.

So, basically, I've concluded that I'm most certainly
gonna end up alone, then die. Maybe this is lonliness
thats talking, maybe something else.

I thought that whatever happened, this would be a new
chapter when i told her how i feel. Today, I saw her
again, and everything seems to be exactly the f*cking
same. I wanted to talk to her, I know I did..it just felt
like there was this invisible soundproof wall between us.
Whether she was ignoring me on purpose or whatever I don't
know...

I guess its time this diary came of age. Its time my
feelings poured rather than seeped. That means a fairly
large (by my standards) entry. I wonder if its her I'm
talking to via text..that seems mad I know, but I didn't
even detect a single sideways glance from her in my
direction today..Guess she doesn't care at all. Then why
would she. The outsider, the epic loner, uncomfortable
outside of his ring of friends. Why would she care at all
about me.

So, guess this new chapter is just halfway through the old
one. Nothing gained from my pain, and only more pain lies
ahead. Until i die alone....

Before you start asking, she will remain anonymous, unless
it all comes out. Anyway, I'm going to run back to my dark
corner now, away from society.




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