Codesmith

Life, Or Something Like It
2004-09-03 12:18:02 (UTC)

Just Let Go

It's 0903, Friday. 752am. Normal day, with the exception
of clouds.

I finished working out. Well, about an hour ago. Well, it
wasn't really much of a work out. Just a few sets and
stuff like that.

I got my digital camera like a few days ago, but I wasn't
able to use it till I acquired the charger for it. Well, I
was able to use it, but the drain from the electronics was
way to much for the random batteries I found in the house.

Ooh, not looking so good. Me that is. Must be the light.
Yes. That must be it. The angle ... Bleh.

In recent days, I've grown quite attatched to someone.
It's a bit odd that I would really like this particular
person. I wouldn't say she was really my type, but ... I
find that I just enjoy talking with her. Maybe that's it.
At anyrate, ... it doesn't matter much in the long run.

I spent all night thinking about it. I couldn't fall
asleep till close to 2am. Waking up at 6am was really
tough. Is it a sin to be attatched to someone? I don't
think so. But to be overly attatched ... ? Is that a sin?
I don't think so either. But whenever dealing with someone
like myself, ... I need to take my personality into
account. I mean, is this like ... a really weird sort of
crush on my part?

I tend to feel overly strong about something, nothing, or
just a flicker of emotion. It's rarely anything moderate.
Which ... can pose a problem alot of the times. Especially
when trying to gauge how I accurately feel. Although
that's kind of a paradox. I mean, I'm judging my feelings
based on what I think normal is. But is that fair to me?
Trying to adjust myself to fit into a smaller box of
emotions?

Well all these thoughts are just pointless ... it's not as
if I was expecting anything to happen with this. I should
probably just ... how do they say it? "Enjoy it while it
lasts"? Sure ... I guess so. Besides, I don't think she
was interested in me in that fashion.

But to be honest, last night ... I seriously thought about
how things would be if they were just a tad bit more
different for me. I indulged in these thoughts for but a
moment, as I knew they didn't have a chance of existing in
this realm of possibilities. Like I've tried to say
before, there are just alot of factors that are almost
impossible to overcome. Primarily, I don't think she views
me in that manner. So I guess that's that.

Last night, all I thought was just to let go. For four
hours I couldn't do that. And even now, I don't think I
did.

I know most of what I said, if not all, probably didn't
make any fucking sense whatsoever. I guess it's only
important if in 50 years, if I'm still alive, that when I
look back ... or whenever I do look back on this entry,
that I understand what I was saying, who I was talking
about, ... and what I felt and still feel.

I need to get ready for class. Only have two today since
it's friday. I'll write more in my 2 hour gap between
classes.

Why do crushes always start at the beginning of a school
semester for me? It's like the most ... inconvenient
thing. Without fail it's almost happened every semester.
And I'm not talking about eye candy. I'm talking about
someone I've gotten to know.




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