bluemoon

The crazy world of me
2004-09-01 08:49:31 (UTC)

UP AND DOWNTHAT IS HOW MY LIFE GOES

HEY!! SO THINGS HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN ANY BETTER WITH
ANYTHING BUT THEY HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANY WORSE EITHER. ONE
PLUS WAS GETTING MY CAR BACK, WHICH LOOKS EVER SO AWESOME
AND SHINNY. I LOVE IT!! THEN THERE IS THE DOWN FALL THAT
MY FRIEND ANDRE GOT HIS GIRLFRIEND BACK. NOT THAT ITS A
BAD THING BUT NOW I LOST MY PERSON TO TALK AND HANG OUT
WITH. HE STILL CALLS TO TALK AND UPDATE ME ON THE
RELATIONSHIP. I AM REALLY HAPPY THINGS WORKED OUT FOR
HIM. HE IS GOOD PEOPLE.
SO I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO RICKY OFF AND ON SINCE HE HAS
GONE BACK TO SCHOOL. MOST CONVERSATIONS NOT SO GREAT.
EITHER I FEEL LIKE HE IS ACTING DIFFRENT (BECAUSE WHEN
RICKY GETS AROUND OTHER PEOPLE HE CHANGES. NOT LIKE HIS
WHOLE OUTLOOK OR ANYTHING BUT LIKE HIS VOICE AND SOMETIMES
IT SEEMS LIKE HE IS TRYING TO COME ACROSS AS SOME BAD ASS
AND JUST SEEMS LIKE HE TALK DOWN TO ME THEN)OR WE ARE
ARGUING OR HE IS BUSY AND SAYS HE WILL CALL ME BACK LATER.
THERE WAS ONE NIGHT THOUGH THAT WE HAD THE BEST
CONVERSATION. I LOVED IT SO MUCH AND IT MADE ME REMEMBER
WHY I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. I WENT TO SLEEP WITH A SMILE AND
WOKE UP WITH ONE. IT WAS JUST LIKE OLD TIMES WHEN WE WERE
GOING OUT AND I WAS FINISHED WITH HIM AND THEN HE WOULD
CALL ME AND MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM ALL OVER AGAIN.
HE IS SO GOOD AT THAT. IT DRIVES ME NUTS.
I AM STARTING TO HEAL FROM THIS WHOLE SITUATUION BUT I AM
FAR FROM RECOVERY. WHO KNOWS IF I EVER WILL. THERE ARE
ONLY TWO THINGS THAT CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN AND I DONT KNOW
IF EITHER PULL THROUGH. WELL, THREE I GUESS. WITH THE
THIRD ONE BEING I FIND SOMEONE ELSE AND FALL IN LOVE WITH
THEM AND THEY LOVE ME JUST AS MUCH BUT CHANCES OF THAT
HAPPENING ARE NOT THE GREATEST.
THERE IS ONLY TWO PEOPLE I EVEN WOULD THINK ABOUT WANTING
TO BE WITH BUT ONE HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND I WOULDN'T GO THERE
BECAUSE I BELIEVE THEM TWO ARE IN LOVE. AND THE SECOND
PERSON I AM NOT SURE WHAT THEY WOULD THINK IF THEY KNEW
THAT I HAD FEELINGS FOR THEM. PLUS ITS NOT LIKE STRONG
FEELINGS AND I AM NOT THINKING THAT EVEN TRYING TO START
ANYTHING WITH ANYBODY WOULD BE GREATEST STEP IN MY LIFE
RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WORRIED ABOUT TAKING CARE OF EVERYBODY
ELSE AND HAVEN'T WORRIED ABOUT MYSELF TO MUCH. I NEED TO
DO THAT MORE. BUT IT SUCKS NOT HAVING ANYBODY TO CARE
FOR. THAT IS MY NATURE AND IT IS WHAT TRULLY WHAT MAKES ME
HAPPY. I LOVE HELPING PEOPLE. EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO
WITHOUT OR HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HOW TO DO THINGS.
WITH ALL THE SPARE TIME I HAVE HAD I HAVE THOUGHT A LOT
ABOUT THE PEOPLE I CONSIDER MY FRIENDS. A LOT OF THEM IT
SEEMS LIKE JUST USE ME. THEY NEED ME WHEN THEY NEED ME AND
THEN WHEN THEY ARE DONE I DONT HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN UNTIL
THEY NEED SOMETHING. THAT DRIVES ME NUTS. IT MAKES ME
WONDER WHEN I WILL FIND FRIENDS THAT WILL DO FOR ME WHAT I
DO FOR THEM. IT ALL MAKES ME WANT TO JUST GIVE UP AND STOP
BEING THE WAY I AM BUT I CAN'T. I WILL ALWAYS BE ONE THAT
MAKES MY LIFE JUST A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT TO HELP SOMEONE
ELSE OUT. HOPEFULLY I WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL DO THAT
IN RETURN. WELL ITS GETTING LATE SO I AM GOING TO GO.
PEACE:)
*MICHELLE*