Hollie bee

KiKi lAnd
2004-09-01 02:39:08 (UTC)

lonliness

someday
people will see its not about themselves
and they will accept the fact that
i deserve all of the lonliness in the world
and if anyone wants to get involved with me
they are sadly mistaken
and leading themselves directly off a cliff
breaking the fall on their own heart
shattering all hopes they ever had
myself being at the bottom of the cliff the whole time
watching the slow demise of love
the sweeping effects of heartbreak consumes it
concluding friendship in hAteful blAckness.

right now, im listening to my dad talking to his best
friend on the phone.
blaming the wreckage of a marraige he is in on my mother.
earlier in the day my mother blamed the decline on him.
his is talking shit about her.
earlier she was talking shit about him.

WHAT?! you think i LIKE THIS?? i like LIVING with people
who hAte each other?? im SICK of you people.
my mom said: i dont hAte your father...????
...Riiiiiiight
she started talking about the time my dad flipped out and
they were outside in teh dark screaming at each other.
"ohh yeah, that was the time i screamed I HOPE YOU FUCKING
CRASH AND DIE, out of the window......"
she said .... yeah.
okay
what about today..
your father was supposed to leave this weekend did you know
that?-mom
"No.he was supposed to leave at the end of july too."-me
"he was supposed to leave in march too."-mom
and then what it all came down to was
hes leaving this spring.
...my birthday is the first day of spring.
ill be 18.
graduating from high school
having the time of my life
my dad will be leaving
and i will have a guilty conscience that we all had to
live miserably until then because when your 18 you dont
recieve "Child support."
im the excuse.
he said it himself hes waiting for me to graduate.
bullshit.
im 18 before i graduate.
hes bitching right now on the phone that his tired at
work and cant sleep.
YEAH ME TOO
im SHIT ass depressed at work, im hungry so i steal food
and i FAIL in school.
he has a crap ass job.
and im worried about if im going to pass MATH
just to get out of school.
---------------------------------------------------
i dont know anymore.
i thinking about taking up that offer
my aunt told me i can live there if i want to.
sucks driving from johnston to ns and lincoln for schooland
work everyday.
and if i move out. i dunno if im going to even have a car.
because my mom owns it and pays the insurance.
..ill just fucking pay the insurance i dont give a shit.
ill give her the money for my euro trip too
i was paying for it in the First place.
and all of the sudden she paid for it.
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Xiloscient00: yes you do

Auto response from Xx thejAckAss xX: i deserve all the
lonliness in the world.

Xx thejAckAss xX: THATS IT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE
Xx thejAckAss xX: RUB IT IN... Fuck you


Well isnt everybody glad that JAI has a perfect life??
so perfect that he has to be a CUNTRAG and be insensitive to
everyone elses feelings.
When JAI is down. NO ONE WILL CARE
PEOPLE will fucking kick YOU when YOUR down.
if you ever want ANYONE to be there for you.
you have remove the stick from the anus
Throw away your Fuckin pride for once
and stop being a concieted Rich
FUCK.
i knew you when you actually had feelings.
OR WAS THAT FAKE TOO.
what happened to feelings anyway??
is it "uncool" to CARE anymore?
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so destined i am to walk among the dark
a child in keeping secrets from.
COHEED AND CAMBRIA
and when the answer that you WANT
is in the question that you state.
come what may, come what may.
what did i do to deserve?
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