poeticgem

My sometimes coherent thoughts
2004-08-30 18:18:38 (UTC)

Move on

Wow! I feel so stupid, so foolish! Why I always get so
caught up in things, allowing excitement to cloud my
judgement, always believing the best of people ... 37 years
old and I'm still so freaking naive about some things -
it's ridiculous!

Chris IM'd yesterday just to drop a huge bomb on me! Here
goes - the reason he terminated things between us - so he
said - was that he found out he had HERPES! CAN YOU
BELIEVE THAT? If it's not one thing, it's another -
leukemia, a wife who died in the WTC, getting carjacked and
having his Hummer stolen ... a sister he had to take in
because her boyfriend was abusive and threatened to kill of
them which forced them relocated to Malibu and subsequently
couldn't reveal WHERE & neither could he reveal his
telephone number when he made outgoing calls (tho' he did
give me a number where I could call him!) ... NOW THIS!

But it was a DOUBLE WHAMMY because in telling me that piece
of lovely news, he also revealed that he had lied to me
about me being his 'first' since his wife passed away.
THANK GOD WE USED PROTECTION! I mean if this is true ...
how disgusting! What does that say about him?

This whole incident has been one HUGE GIGANTIC EMBARRASSING
FIASCO! What a fool I am ... do I never learn ... geez am
I that desperate ... I certainly must appear that way!

What the hell is wrong with me?

At my age ... I am so ashamed of myself ... falling so fast
for someone I hardly even knew and worst of all, it wasn't
the first time ... tho' it was a bit different this time,
it was still virtually the same in other aspects!

So ... no more of this online dating crap ... I guess it's
a good thing my computer crashed last night ... everything
happens for a reason!

Ok ... gotta get back to work ...

GOD PLEASE HELP ME TO LEARN THIS TIME! PLEASE GRANT ME THE
SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE THE COURAGE
TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE ... THANK YOU AND AMEN




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