Codesmith

Life, Or Something Like It
2004-08-25 07:45:13 (UTC)

Myriad of Meshed Experiences

It's 307am. It's about 55 degrees fahrenheit here. Or at
anyrate it feels close. It's cloudy out, and this I can
verify because before it was sunset the sky was a bit
fuzzy with these clouds that sort thinly blanketed the sky
as if some child above the earth had spilled a bag of
coarse sugar over the nitrogen blue atmosphere.

Once again I managed to splurge on a food that wasn't that
great for me. Brocolli and Tuna. Well, if it were just
that then I wouldn't be worried. But it was some the tuna
helper stuff, and I think I should stepping off the carbs
and maintaining 80% protein diet.

Lately though I've not had the motivation to work out. I
try, but I always start to lose interest. I think it's
just cause I haven't been getting enough sleep actually.
My sleep patterns have been most unorthodox. Sleep at 7am,
wake up at 2pm. That's not 8 hours. In other news my
forearms are getting a better definition. So is the rest
of my arms. The only part that I fret working are my abs.
I think I'd rather four times the chest exercises than I
would do a single ab session. I guess it's just hard
because I'm so use to doing things with my hands. With
abs, ... you don't really use your hands for anything.

As for the sleep situation, I wouldn't mind if the
therapist were suffering along with me. But she tends to
sleep a bit longer and thus ... she seems to be getting
all her sleep in. Me on the other hand ... not really.

So, I was introduced to alot of ... nice music from a
friend. Namely, "Death Cab for Cutie", "Elected",
and "Rilo Kiley" who I thought was like Icelandic, ... but
it turned out she was from Cali. I have no idea what
Icelandic names look like, I must have been thinking Rilo
something from the "Free Willy" movie. Rest in
peace, ... "willy". Oh wait her name was Keiko. Caught by
Japanese fishermen and sold to some group that trained her
specifically for the movie.

My search for a digital camera is progressing well. So far
I've about 100 or so auctions that I'm watching. I'm able
to monitor all of them through a staggered approach.
Namely they all end within 6 days, but they don't all end
at 6 days. Some end a bit sooner, and others are going to
end in less than 12 hours. It's through this manner that
I'll be able to pick and choose what it is I would like to
bid on.

Actually, I have my eyes set on a "Fujifilm Finepix A"
Series, which are generally a 2MP kind of camera. I was
planning on the powershot series by Canon, but I think so
is like ... everyone else in the world. Because the prices
on those just get jacked up like Nick Nolte doing cocaine
in a Vegas Strip Bar ... I don't really know if Nick Nolte
does cocaine actually.

I was also intereted in the Sony Cybershot series, since
those are like 3MP and 4MP, but really ... I managed to
learn that the MP rating is really not the definitive
reason to buy a digital camera and are in someways
misleading. I mean, a MP rating is determined by the
number of vertical optical sensors and the horizontal
optical sensors divided by a million.

I think ... somehow I mentioned this before.

At anyrate, a 4MP camera is twice as good as a 1MP camera.
And a 3MP camera doesn't mean that it's three times as
good as a 1MP camera. It's sort of like screen size for
computer screens. It's measured diagonally and not
vertically or horizontally. Which I guess makes sense.

The more MP a digital camera has the more of a detail
potential it can resolve, but doesn't necessarily equate
to quality. There are still other factors like
lighting ... things like that. Not to mention that detail
resolution begins to drop off at a certain point as our
eyes slowly begin to lose the level of definition and
start seeing blurred lines.

I guess that makes sense.

Otherwise, the therapist sort of nodded off while I was
trying to explain this to her. I guess she needs more than
8 hours of sleep.

Every night I sit here behind my screen and I write in
this journal. Hoping for some kind of miracle or something
that shows me the way to ... something. The meaning of my
life ... Maybe I already know what it is, and I'm just
stalling for more time.

Night after night, I sit here and I re-evaluate my life. I
only hope, that's enough times. I remember how I use to
be ... more serious and more stern. I use to think that if
everyone were like me, then it would be alot nicer place.
I learn now that if that were the case, then it would be a
pretty boring place. There's only so many of me that can
exist. Only so much people can take.

It's ... I suppose you could say a balance. And I am the
other extreme.

I use to have so many rules. So many regulations. I was
organized and I was always serious. Where am I now? I feel
like I've become ronin, and cut loose. Left to drift,
forever on my own. But I suppose to become ronin, I would
have had someone in the beginning to call my master.

What is there left? But to see the world? I've seen and
held things millions of years old. The feelings are always
the same. You see something you've never seen before and
you marvel at it. You sometimes pretend you were there
when it happened, those thousands of years ago. Or in the
case of Americans, ... a few hundred years ago.

It's like Fermat's last theorem. How do you solve
something like that equation? It's so small, and so
simple ... but to prove it? No one could till now. And
even now they had to use 20th century mathematics with
20th century proofs to solve it. Fermat knew something
simpler. Something that wasn't 200 pages long.

How do you solve Fermat's last theorem? You could use a
computer to go through all the combinations. But once you
did one, how many more would you have to go through? If
you checked the theorem to 1000 numbers, were you any
closer to proving Fermat's last theorem? Howabout 100,000?
Or a 1,000,000 numbers? How many would you have to go
through to prove it?

There are an infinite amount of numbers, and likewise an
infininte amount of numbers you'd have to check to prove
Fermat's last theorem. The conventional try and test
method doesn't work. You need another tool for the job.

How many sites do you have to see before you're satisfied?
How many countries would you have to see? How many unique
things would you have to experience? People you'd have to
love? The Norweigans say 11 relationships. The Americans
say as many places as possible.

I'm just ranting.

Whenever it is I find that special person, I hope to take
her with me to all the foreign and exotic places. Not for
my own benefit, but rather because I know she might enjoy
such an affair. I sometimes think it will be Melanie, but
like the therapist has hinted to me yesterday ... it's
probably best not to think about her right now.

I might need more sleep. I don't think I'm really making
any sense.

I think I'll end this for the night, finish looking at
some cameras, turn in for some physical sessions, and
then ... sleep.




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