*MS JLYN*

*ALL CRIED OUT OVER U*
2004-08-23 22:02:39 (UTC)

ALL GROWN UP

I'm only hitting this thing up because I'm bored. Today
was the first day of classes. I'm back at Georgia State!
It was a struggle to get back, but here I am! My summer
consisted of working....working....and more working. BUT
YET!....I'm still broke. A lot has happened to me this
summer. Some good and some not good at all. I'm cool with
being up in Atlanta and having my own place. I mean, I'm
rarely at home....I'm always in someone's establishment
trying to get a pay check....but overall, its cool. I
haven't had any time to socialize or really go out. But to
be honest, I'm not really up for going out all the time.
The whole club scene isn't my cup of tea these days. I've
been pretty much to myself for the most part.
Boys.....lets just say that before they were just
considered "speed bumps"....I easily got over
them.....well, I've dealt with that kind of speed bump
that has the spikes that bust your
tires....."2shay"......straight had me flat and no kind of
way to move(not sure if that analogy made any sense:
boys=speed bumps). I was wrong in the beginning with
talking to him because he did talk to one of my "friends".
I mean, I knew I was gonna have something come back on me
but not to the extremes of what I had to go through. I
constantly tell myself that I don't want to have hate in
my heart for anyone and I don't.....But.......I've never
regretted anything or anyone as much as I regret him. I
have to live the rest of my life with the decision I made,
not him.....so FUCK HIM. He doesn't exist to me. I really
don't have a desire to want to be with anyone at all. I'm
not gonna say my heart is behind a wall or anything, but
I'm sick of all this fake shit I've been through. I'm
tired of all the bullshit that these stupid ass niggas
come with. Its not that some nigga has messed it up for
the following.....shit, the following niggas only make the
shit worse because they ain't no damn better. I hate to
have all this profanity, but its the only way I can
express what I'm feeling right now. I mean, my attitude
isn't because of the last nigga....its because I already
know the next nigga ain't about shit. Age don't change a
boy into a man.....a boy in school ain't no damn different
than a boy on the corner. You can't win. I'm not saying
that I give up.....I'm just saying that these are not the
days to find someone.

*J*