i'll catch u

am i that transparent?
2004-08-21 04:31:57 (UTC)

anyone got a fly swatter?

howdy yall.. i hope everyones doin alright.. its so funny
that when someone cant stand somebody so bad they get even
more interested in that someones life.. wouldnt u think u
would steer the hell away from them? i would.. can u judge
someone by the life they lead? i think u can but only to a
point.. the rest is all grey matter.. people seem to think
that i think i have a perfect life when in fact i dont..
but i am greatful for what i have.. a father and a mother
that love me dearly.. a brother i can talk to at any point
in time and know he'll listen and respond.. a sister-in-
law thats there for me when my brother cant be.. a niece i
love dearly.. grandparents who try everything they can to
help me live my life to its fullest potential.. and two
best friends who would be there for me at the drop of a
dime.. and most of all a GOD who loves me no matter
what.. yea i have made some stupid mistakes in my life
but only one caused me to go the distance of inflicting
pain to myself.. cuttin myself would be stupid so didnt do
it.. good thing too cuz then my parents didnt have to try
and get me help.. im not that stupid.. i havent been
through it all and no one gets to go through it all.. but
i have been thru enough to see some light.. unlike others
who just beat the door where the past sits.. i know others
have problems that some of mine may seem like nothing
compared to but we have to learn to get throught it and
move on.. like for example i have moved on from holding my
life back with the l.o.m.l.. he doesnt control me and im
no longer letting him.. im so glad i finally saw what it
was doing to me.. some think i deal with my problems by
being a bitch but i dont think so.. thats just how they
take it.. and its not my responsibility to make sure they
dont take it that way.. but atleast i dont just fall in
love with someone i dont even know, that i met on the
computer.. thats stupid.. people lie through computers and
when they get the info they need to find u, they come rape
u and maybe even kill you.. many of those stupid people
like that end up on the table at my moms work.. there are
just some of those people that u cant stand and wish would
get hit by a bus or something or fall off that face of the
earth.. wow.. how low is that.. i have to admit i made
that low pass tonight but i was just stating a fact.. to
really think that towards someone is darn low.. i so cant
wait till college and i dont have to see some of the
people at school that i unfortunately have to see
everyday.. kinda puts a damper on everything.. family
sticks together and friends come and go.. well im sure
glad my two best friends are like family.. weve got each
others backs.. and the one thing i hate is drama.. but
some how it finds me and i can never hide from it.. people
just seem to find a way to slide my name into the convo
and blame me.. but thats their own flippin fault that they
have to lie.. i know whats the truth and thats all that
matters.. what the hell do people care about my love life
anyways.. phil is such an awesome friend and i wouldnt
ever want to screw that up.. hes just the best there is
and we understand each other on the same level.. the
l.o.m.l can go do kayla if he wants but i would like to
share that she aint droppin her pants.. heard that from
her last boyfriend.. and to talk about the past is
stupid.. its stuck the way it is and the l.o.m.l and i had
the best time ever... we were never happier.. just because
u didnt want to look at someone that had way more than u
would ever have and see the happiness thats not my
problem.. we fell in love but we both fell to fast and it
was scary.. we got over it.. it does take time.. atleast i
didnt claim to like someone, go out with him and not even
hold his hand.. talk about just wanting and image booster
of "having a bf".. talkin about using someone.. im so glad
i have people that care about me and love me for who i
am.. but others should really get friends their age and
people that are on the same level as them.. the help they
need is out their, their just lookin in all the wrong
places.. im not leavin.. and that darn fly cant either cuz
shes too young and no one would care to take her somewhere
where she fits in.. blaming people for things they didnt
do is not a nice thing.. our youth group splitting was the
mistake of everyone.. she wouldnt know though because no
one "important" tells her whats really goin on.. dont
think u have balls with nothing to back it up.. grow a
backbone and be urself.. not this chick who thinks she
something with nothing but a flag and a butt ugly bf.. cuz
ur no where near the top of the list.. atleats i dont play
puppets with the ones i love.. and i have a brother that
cares..




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