poeticgem

My sometimes coherent thoughts
2004-08-20 03:32:10 (UTC)

nope, can't do this

I can't ... he's not my type and I simply cannot pretend he
is. After he sent me another picture, more detailed, more
close up everything that I wanted to believe I could
overlook, I have to admit, I can't - He's short, heavy,
extremely Mexican looking (in a gang sort of way), he's not
stylish, he's hairless in the places where I find hair to
be quite sexy ... I hate to talk this way, by I cannot
ignore what I find attractive and what I don't ... there
simply will be no chemistry because I cannot settle and
make believe I'm attracted to him if I'm not. I thought I
could but the more I think about it ... I can't, I simply
can't. I enjoy talking to him ... but it's never going to
go any farther.

And right now I am so lonely, so very lonely and so very,
very sad. I can't even go over to Harry's because I have
no gas in my car and NO MONEY to get gas (PITIFUL, I
KNOW!) ... people who have said they would call,
haven't ... so I sit here alone with my thoughts. I should
have gone to a meeting like I initially planned ... I NEED
to go to a meeting. So I will go tomorrow or Saturday
while I still have the chance.

In the meantime, I think I will just go to bed ... right
now I'm in a real crappy mood, feeling sorry for myself and
thinking life really sucks the big one ...

I'm sorry I cannot be more positive and thankful at this
moment, God ... but if I'm understood by anyone, I know
it's You ... thank you




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