2004-08-16 06:27:37 (UTC)

whatever it may be

its weird, reading some things in here. i was just reading
my messages where there was a message from marco, from
december of last year

the other day, i told mark, that marco was just to get over
chris. i dont know how true that is. why did i say that? is
that true? your memory is so fucked up.
i do know, that with marco, i was always worried about if i
was doing the right thing or not. (beach channel job?) i
dont feel that way with mark. things feel right with him.
they feel easy. i dont stress. i dont worry. i dont think,
is this a mistake?

also, i didnt tell mark that i ended up going to the beach
that night, with that guy. why didnt i? i wanted to. i
specifically wanted to tell him that nothing happened. but
then i would have to say, i didnt want anythign to happen,
because i really like mark, and i dont want anything with
anyone else. i dont think i was ready to say that.
i did let him read that journal entry. i dont know
why.anyway. im gonna tell him when he gets back.

its funny how i dont write in here when im happy. when im
happy im busy and i dont feel the need to sit down and

ive been so good lately. i am getting consistently laid by
a boy whom i think is totally hot. just my type in every
way== tall tall so i have to arch my head up. blond blond
hair and pretty clear blue eyes. with that husky and strong
and meaty kinda body. yum/
when i talk or write about him, i just keep saying he is so
nice, and so good. thats my predominant feelings. he is
easy and sweet and just a good boy/ when i think about
anything long term, i wonder if we are intellectually
compatible. i think that i know for a fact that he wouldnt
be able to understand me, or what i think about. i dont
know that for a FACT i guess. but i do know he doesnt
like to talk about the kinda things ilike to talk about.
the super duper philosophoical stuff. but whatever, thats
what i need in my HUSBAND. not in someone that im seeing
right NOW. now i just want to have a good time, i just want
things to keep going they way they have been so far. im
satisfied and happy, and thats all that matters at the

i do , tho, need to start working on myself. on grad
achool. on writing.

its ok. i will. i know that i always do what i need to do,
whatever it may be