Angelic One

Sorry for My Mistakes
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2004-08-14 22:41:34 (UTC)

Dear Shannon

I wish that I could say my life will be happier without
you in it, but I would be lying. I didn't choose to end
our friendship because I am angry with you or because I
don't care about you any more, I ended it because I did
not see any other way. Once trust is broken, its so hard
to be rebuilt. I could not forsee myself letting go of
you and bill being together, I couldn't see myself being
able to be happy for you. You deserve to be happy,
however I do not believe that should come at my expense.
You say you've been honest about it with me, but
inactuallity you just weren't telling me the whole truth.
You never told me that you wanted to move to Iowa, you
didn't even tell me you were going to see him again until
I asked. Those actions tell me that you knew what you
were doing was going to hurt me. You also supposedly
agonized over your decision to go see him in the first
place, yet you told me you just up and randomly decided to
go there. If you agonized over this decision, and still
chose not to discuss it with me, that means it didn't
matter to you what I thought you were going to do what you
wanted anyways. You knew you were putting our friendship
at risk, and you did it anyways. You probably thought I
was too weak to give up another friend, or maybe that I
knew I owed you everything and so I would just let this
one slide. I can't let this slide. I can't forgive you,
not now anyways.
This isn't about Bill, this is about you and me, and how
disrespected I felt by your choices. You decided to do
something that would possibly end our friendship, and you
didn't even try to save the friendship afterwards. I
blame Bill for a lot of things in my life, most of all for
turning my friends on me and never standing up for me. He
won every thing in the break up and then ultimately won my
best friend too. How am I supposed to react? What am I
supposed to do? Just be happy for you and listen to you
talk about how wonderful your relationship is with my ex?
Should I give you tips on what not to do in bed with him?
How was our friendship supposed to survive this? You knew
it wouldn't, and you did it anyways, that is why our
friendship is over. This was not jmy decision, I am not
the one who ended this friendship, you did. If you
convinced yourself after you told me about your first trip
there that I was okay with this, then good for you, but
you knew I wasn't, and you knew I never would be.

You made all the decisions for me Shannon, you gave me no
choices. I cannot be friends with someone who puts a best
friendship on the line without even blinking an eye, or
shedding a single tear. You ended our friendship, not
me.


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