Remma

Rem's Poetry Corner
2004-08-03 16:43:54 (UTC)

so g-g-g-g-glad

Okay, so Matt was bugging me about where my other online
journal was, right? So I told him, TOTALLY forgetting I had
one on here too. Somehow I feel like I shot myself in the
foot, though, because I used to feel free in that journal,
like I could write anything because the only people who
read it were inconsequential people. Not so, anymore. I
have been missing the fact that I could just WRITE on there
and not worry about who read it. The fact is, we're still
in that stage where we're both testing the waters, to find
out what we can and cannot do in this relationship.
Basically, I think he just wants to make me happy, which is
cool, but even though I really like him, that does not make
me sure that I can show him/tell him my every random
thought and know he will still be there. It sounds
ridiculous, maybe, because my best friends have been there
for me, regardless the situation or how much I was acting
like an ass, and Matt has been, too, but I'm trying to
figure out the point of no return so I can act accordingly.
Everyone has one, and I want to know where "the line" is
with him. I'm worried he'll get me to thinking there isn't
one at all, that everything is okay, and then one day I'll
cross the line that wasn't supposed to be there. Then where
will I be?

Also, I cannot believe how much I used to feel for Geo. I
was reading on here, and I'm like, damnnnn, I was really
hurting over him. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
I guess it's definitely true. All I know is, I feel like
I've grown up a lot because of that situation. It's almost
like I officially graduated from high school when that crap
came to an end. Now I'm finding how much things are
changing with the high school crowd, now that we're not
there anymore. It's weird, and odd, and just strangely
strange.

I like Matt, a lot. And they say that every relationship is
different, right? So it is. I want to get to know him
really well, and see what's going on after that. I am
intrigued. I feel like we need to spend a good week solid
together to get to know each other. I could use that. But
alas, his wonderful job calls, so he must work.

Shit. Back to school in 17 days.

Shit.