polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
2004-07-30 19:57:48 (UTC)

it's been a while

It's been a while since I've written here. I've depended
mostly on livejournal and my happy bunny notebook instead
of this diary. I'm feeling a lot better these days, about a
lot of things. I was reading some of my old entries, and I
thought wow this is boring. It's true, I write about the
same old shit every time. Not like the things I do, my
days, I have great friends that I spend time with and I
love them more than anything, but when I start talking
about how I feel and all that, it's all the same thing. I'm
so negative. Some days it's really hard to be positive, but
no one should have to be this negative all the time. I need
to lighten up! Sheesh, really. I'm sure someone has tried
to tell me this but I was too stubborn. I'm just really
glad that I can take this time to get into starting over. I
got some more dye, auburn, so I could go back to my natural
color. I'm going VINTAGE shopping sooner or later to get
clothes for school, and then I'm starting a new school in
general. Things are going to be different. It's time for me
to start being more optimistic, more open, more free, more
FUN. I'm too emotional, too. I need to cut that out. Life
is too short, I shouldn't spend half of it being all boo

I need to spend more time helping out again. I used to make
dinner for my fam all the time, I worked at an animal
shelter, I babysat, I volunteered for a ton of stuff. I
started getting selfish and I'm a little disgusted with
myself. It's time for me to get real. I'll still be keep my
eye open for that guyyyy but I don't need all of that right
now. I need to focus on school and doing the best I can.
I'd be happy to go to college here, that would be aweomse,
it's a GREAT school. But NYU just seems like...it's perfect
for me. I have goals, I have dreams, I have ambition, I
would really really love to go there. I have my heart set.

...NYU, for whatever your art desires...

I'm going to work really hard. I'm excited. I'm ready to
get going! I have to finish reading though, and now would
be a good time to get that done. Plus I think Murph is
coming over later and we're gonna go see The Notebook and
do the usual pigout on ice cream, etc. but I think we're
gonna have to go get more food first because there is
NOTHING and she has to come to my place to get food since
there's food police at her house (her pantry makes me cry,
nothing has sugar, fat, carbs, any of that good stuff). I
was gonna go to "the camp" with Tubesock tomorrow but my
parents have a funeral to go to for a really good friend of
my dads and I'm watching Jo. Another time...

Mary has sent me about a bajillion emails since she didn't
get in to the school. It sucks so much that she didn't get
in. She wants us to set up a day where everyone can get
togetha and hang out before school starts.

That's about it. I'm watching Knock First, and the little
redhead dude is pretty cute :)


Lyrics of the day:

She eyes me like a pisces when I am weak
I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeks
I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back

I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice

Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back

-"Heart-Shaped Box", Nirvana

No message, it's just what I'm listening to right now...

WHY, KURT, WHY?!?!?!

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