Joy

Pieces of Me
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Ezoic
2004-07-27 21:46:10 (UTC)

What Is There To Be Afraid Of?

I've got my specific fears, and I could attempt to list
them all here, describing them with my limited ability to
actually say what I want when I want to.

But I've realized that part of the reason WHY I'm so
scared of a lot of the things I'm scared of (oh yeah...
awesome sentence right there) is because I have trouble
dealing with one thing: the fact that the future is
unpredictable.

I'm sure most people probably accept that as fact at an
early age and move on, never to really think about it
again. But I'm having serious problems with this concept.

One major reason why it's so hard for me to make big
choices in life is probably because I'm not comfortable
NOT knowing how those choices will affect the future and
the lives of other people. I always feel like I need to
know before I can make my decisions final, or I can't make
them at all.

Sometimes we can predict the direction in which things
will go, sometimes we can predict people's reactions to
things, and sometimes we do just KNOW things without
really knowing why or how. But for the most part, life is
competely unpredictable. I guess it wouldn't really be
life if we knew everything all of the time.

But knowing that life wouldn't really be life under such
circumstances doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I am scared because I don't know what's going to happen in
the future and in the lives of others as a result of the
choices I make, and I'm scared because I don't know what's
going to happen in my own life because of the choices of
others.

There is no way to predict it or prepare for it, but for
some reason, I keep trying anyway.


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