little goth gurl

without wings, i fall
2004-07-26 18:19:18 (UTC)

i woke up next to my soul and felt nothing

yes. so we have yet to talk. he gave me a hug before bed
and actually slept. i didn't. i had a few chips today,
which is the first food i've eaten in about a week and a
half. i sat on the end of the bed for most of the night.
just staring at everyone around, either passed out or
sleeping on the floor or on the couch or the extra bed. i
just watched. i saw the torment in my eyes as i looked at
myself in the bathroom mirror. what have i become when i
cant stand to look at myself? i am a monster. the gashes
placed on my arm and my stomach from the person inside are
a memoir of how i used to have myself, i have even lost
that. i watched the sunrise from my porch and had a
coffee, curled up in a ball on the porch swing, i am
helpless. alone. nobody can save me besides me. and i am
lost. i should be less selfish. i should focus on the
people who love me and who i love, my babies, paine and
havok. my boyfriend, billy. my best friends paul and
brian. my lover, britney, and my brother, rob. those are
the people important to me so for now i'll stick my
emptiness on the back shelf. i have to focus on them.
xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxax
standing on the edge of summer-thursday

In this room I'm sitting by your side.
'Cause it rains for hours and the phone is off its hook.
Standing on the edge, casting lots to set me up before you
knock me down,
off the summer's edge and drown me.
We're betting on our own lives, making up for all the time
we lost.
In this house of cards we're all holding hearts and spades
(one breath, one step could knock it all down)
but you lead with your eyes and you give it away
(decide, design to cut from the clouds).
When the people you love get lost in the shuffle,
(when you leave, you leave nothing but broken heart)
you let it go and then you fold.
So we stay on the open road.
We drive for hours and still no end in sight at all.
Driving in your car, miss the stop sign, fall in love,
just to get knocked out.
Pull your punches and burn with your cigarettes.
Pulled like a punch and burnt like a cigarette?
forever.




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