Joy

Pieces of Me
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2004-07-26 17:47:59 (UTC)

Spinning


Sometimes I feel like I'm sitting in the middle of a
spinning world (please don't start with the
technicalities... I know the world is spinning!).

What I mean is... well, it feels almost the same as the
feeling that comes from standing and spinning in the
middle of a room as everthing within view begins to blur
together. That's basically how I feel, only it's more like
I'm sitting and everything else is spinning around me.

I'm sure that from what I write here, it doesn't seem like
I have any reason to be confused or depressed in the least
about my life. But there's a lot more to it all than
anyone really knows, and I'm sorry, but I can't enlighten
you all... lol.

The truth is... I'm really scared. I'm scared about
everything. I'm scared about the present, I'm scared about
today, tomorrow, next week, five years from now....
Everything that is part of my life seems so unbelievably
out of control right now.
I rarely cry, and I haven't cried in such a long time...
but I've cried the past two nights about the same thing.

I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing with myself
and my life at all.

And I don't know what to do about anything, but time is
NOT going to stop for me no matter how badly I want it to.

I'm going to have to start sorting things out and making
decisions sometime. It's just easier said than done.



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