poeticgem

My sometimes coherent thoughts
2004-07-26 14:25:47 (UTC)

Help me surrender ...

Why do I worry ... why can't I just have some confidence in
myself and God? Afterall, worrying means you have a lack
of faith in God ... and of course, your own self.

Work is the center of my worries right now. I have this
one account that is just a bitch, I mean really a bitch and
it just makes me sick to my stomach. The woman really
intimidates me and I hate that. What am I afraid of?
Losing my job is the biggest fear ... but is their
something else? Something deeper within me that creates
this horrible feeling of sickness in my stomach just
thinking about it ...

Also, a brand new account has been brought in and given to
me. No more money mind you, just more work. Now I will
have 6 accounts to handle at the same pay rate. And
setting up this account is going to be one hell of a
challenge. Part of me is excited, but the other part of
me ... the worried part, the fearful part, is scared and
extremely nervous. I'm really not sure if I can handle all
these accounts. I have barely been there 3 months! I know
everyone thinks these are small accounts, I mean they do
bring in the least revenue, especially because half of mine
are mental health accounts and they don't make that much
money, but still, for me, it's an enormous responsibility.

I mean, my brain is mush by the time I get home every
night. There are so many things to remember for each
account ... so many things to do ... and it's not that it's
really hard, but it's just detail oriented and entails a
myriad of tiny factors to keep everything running smooth.
And I have to keep track of everything for each account on
a daily basis. For a newbie like me, well, it's not that
easy. Sometimes I go home at the end of the day feeling
like I've accomplished something and other times, I just go
home feeling completely and totally exhausted. Then there
are the times I feel sick to my stomach because of the one
account that pushes me to the edge and really tests my
confidence and tries my patience.

Please God, I ask Your help ... please help me to be
confident and strong and do the best job possible. I
cannot do a good job when I am worrying or intimidated.
Please give me strength to stay focused ... to prove to
myself and everyone else that I CAN DO IT ...

thank you and Amen




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