Cowgirl_Mom

Ramblings of a Mom
2004-07-24 12:48:53 (UTC)

Birthday Blues

After yesterday's blue mood, I laid on the floor yesterday
afternoon with the baby and just let the tears run down my
face. I searched my mind and heart as to what I was crying
over, why was I so down? Is it because of Mr. Eddy's
death? Mom's surgery? Lack of friends to call on to talk
to besides my Mom? The matter with my ex (started pulling
paperwork together, looking at filing on almost $2500, half
of which is his responsibility)? Then it dawned on me, I
go through this every year right around my birthday (for
the last few years). It's stupid, but I go through a
little depression leading up to my birthday, and then the
clouds clear and all is well. My Mom has been trying to
make this bday out to be a big deal just because I will be
31 on the 31st. To me that is not a big deal!
The funny thing is that the other night my husband asked me
what I wanted for my birthday, and I told him that I
honestly didn't know. I actually have a 'wish list' that I
maintain for each of us in the house, including myself.
But the one thing that I want from my husband is to
actually get the ring (I have not seen it, only heard about
it) to make our 'engagement' official, so that we can work
on the wedding bands to make our marriage real, rather than
common-law. He then told me that he already knew what my
big gift is going to be, and yesterday he asked for $100
cash and another $100 next Friday and I was told that
Saturday I am to stay put while he goes out to do
whatever. I hate to say this, but I would be happy, but
definitely disappointed, if what he's working on is a CD
player for my car. That's okay, but I would trade it for a
chance to be able to wear my husband's ring!
He also tried to call his sister (he received something
from her the other day, but I didn't open it, cuz it was
addressed to him) and his Mom the other night when I was
out running an errand. I was guilty of snooping though the
next day while he was at work and discovered a $30 check
from his sister with the notation "You know why". I hope
she knows she didn't have to do that -- I know how little
money she and her mom has after our trip to North Carolina!
Then he asked last night if we are going to have the older
son for my birthday, and I told him no. He said, I thought
that birthdays were automatic, and I told him no, only
Mother's Day and Father's Day is automatic. I could tell
he was disappointed, so I am not sure what he has up his
sleeve, and I have to admit, I am curious!
I went through this at Christmas, and when I finally
snooped and found the gift wrapped for me and shook it and
it rattled and I realized it was a necklace, I was terribly
disappointed (I was hoping for a ring then, too). Then I
felt really stupid when it turned out to be a family
heirloom diamond in a necklace setting (for temporary
purposes, he says) until it is placed in a ring. That he
didn't have enough money to get it into the ring, because
we were getting ready for the baby at that point.
Well, I better run, the baby is trying to scooch off of our
bed, and I don't want him to fall!




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