Codesmith

Life, Or Something Like It
2004-07-21 22:59:28 (UTC)

The Cup Overfloweth

It's 633pm. It's rather hot outside. Being from an island
where 100% humidity and 80-90 degree fahrenheit
temperature is a fact of life, ... I think I'm handling
the heat here well.

I got back from class a few hours ago. I finished working
out, cleaning the dishes, and taking a shower. I feel
rather ... wet. Because I haven't dried my hair off.

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was dating
Naomi again, and that we were at college together. She had
picked me up and we were going over to her place. I
remember feeling the way I did those many years ago. In
love and quite attatched. Or maybe I should say,
infatuated and attatched. Well it turned out that in my
dream, she had another boyfriend who didn't seem to take
kindly to her being with me. We got into a fight, and one
thing led to another. I think she was trying to decide
between me and him, ... and was about to pick me ... till
I woke up.

I haven't talked to Naomi in quite awhile, and I wonder
how she is. I hope she is alright.

In other irrelevant and pointless news, Laura and I have
decided to make teams on the Big Brother 5 Fantasy League.
Apart from the therapist and Lisa, ... Laura is one of the
only other people I know that is interested in reality
t.v. It's a pretty geeky thing to do, but we thought it
would be fun.

The flying ants are gone. They've been gone for the past
few days now ... at least till next year.

The city festival starts tomorrow. I'm not really looking
forward to it since, I have a feeling it will be the same
thing as it was last year. An incredible influx of
tourists wandering admist the city causing inconceivable
amounts of traffic ... peddlers trying to push their wares
on you ... the same uninspiring bands playing their
uninspiring music, no doubt cliched and ripped from main
stream pop ... and I dislike my fellow man.

Lately, I've been experiencing this strange sort of hate
in me. It's been building up the last month and it's
usually accompanied by bouts of depression as well as
anger. It's directed at alot of people, and I might say,
with good reason. Yet, these reasons have always
existed ... and they have never bothered me in the past.
Perhaps it's like they say ... humans are only recepticles
for other people's emotions. That is, we are like cups.
Everything you say to someone will make it into the cup.
Sometimes what you say doesn't fill very much of the cup.
Yet, no matter what you say ... it always takes up space
inside the cup. Using this analogy, it reasons that
someone will eventually reach the point where their cup
spills over. It's from here that we see the other person
spilling forth their feelings and emotions. It becomes
clear, ... or sometimes not, the sort of thing that has
been building up in them for a very long time. Sometimes
it's not easily obvious what it is that they've kept
bottled up for so long ... because what spills over the
cup is a mixture of many things people have said.

I don't think I've spilled over, yet. But I believe I am
coming rather close to the edge. And as usual, I will try
to repress it ... as I know I am the arrogant sort of
person to try.

The other day I postulated that perhaps a meaningful
relationship with someone is a mixture of both love and
compatibility. That same day, I came across an example of
someone that fit the bill so precisely.

I guess, it wasn't anything enlightening. But the problem
for me now becomes ... how do you know when you're
compatible with someone? And for that matter, how do you
know when you really love someone? I guess that's the
million dollar question.

Another thing I thought about today. Villains, heroes, and
paradigms. I noticed that at least in the 20th-21st
century ... ever since the concept of nationalism took
root in post World War 2, ... there has been a sort of
universal consciousness in regards to villains, heroes,
and paradigms. That is, ... it seems that people ...
almost require someone or something to hate ... to battle
against, to fight over ... to give their lives some kind
of meaning. As to why this occurred now as opposed to
later didn't at first become immediately obvious to me.
Not until I remembered that prior to World War 1, ... most
of the world was divided by empires. This imperial
ideology is what gave people their heroes, their villains,
and their paradigms.

It's been replaced over the century, by suffrage
movements, age old notions of race, stereotyping,
and "evil" people deemed so by other people.

I guess it's not quite obvious where I'm trying to go with
this. I think it's not possible to stop hating, until
there is a serious paradigm shift that occurs in the
world. Perhaps in the form of a war, or some kind of
global catastrophe. But whatever that might be, ... it
will have to be big enough to shatter soverign nations.

But I suppose that is the rule of nature.

Perhaps I'm just thinking way to much. Afterall, I think
I've got way to much sugar in my bloodstream right now. I
had fettucine last night, and this morning for breakfast I
had left over fettucine.

I feel kind of ... hyper.

Well, I'm going to get started on some statistics
homework. I think.




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