en vitae la femme

Seven Hundred and Fifty
2004-07-17 09:59:54 (UTC)

Love and Hate

I drive around for a living, so I spend a lot of time doing
nothing other than listening to tunes, and thinking and feeling.

I hate it when I'm frustrated over Chris, especially when I
can't exactly figure out why.

It would seem he's just using me to meet his common needs,
but that's not my gut feeling.

The part that does suck is that he's not demonstrative at
all. I'd love it if he'd just put his arm around me, hold
my hand, kiss me randomly, and hug me. Not like all the
time, but at least sometimes. He never does.

I do get upset about the money thing. Some of my goals have
gone to hell because two people cost more than one in
anything you do. I know in the moment I don't spend it if I
don't feel right about it, but unfortunately over time, it
builds up and I wonder how, when, and why he'll ever repay
all the favors I've done for him.

I wonder if he even cares.
I wonder if he even notices all I've done.
I wonder if he's ever added it all up.
I wonder if he's ever wanted to spend money on me.
I wonder if he's ever wanted to do anything for me.

Sometimes I think I could be with him forever, like we're a
match made in heaven. Then many times, I hope he'll just
go, so I can get all my money concerns back on track. Plus,
if I'm just being used, I'd rather just get it over with.




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