Another Rainy Day

Split Personality
2004-07-17 01:56:43 (UTC)

wow

wow havent written in here for awhile damn okay well hey
diary wats going on lots of stuff in my life
lets see skool was prett swell wasnt to shitty
i have such a great guy friend hes more then a friend more
then a best friend but less then a bf by barely 1% lol im
just afraid cause i dont want to get fucked over by my mom
and im scared to understand wat love really is i guess
cause i never felt it within my family, well my brother
and i should be getting along sooner or later but i doubt
it were not talking..its been about 2months, but i guess
thats wat i get since i fell again thinking i may have a
gr8 brother but its not happenin we have just grown apart
more and more which i am glad of cause i dont need all
this negative energy around me i really hate the feel of
it it just bruises my ego more and more and it sux oh and
my parents arent any better, they just fight and fight and
wonder why i look so down, well now ive learned to put on
a happy face and pretend life is so great and that life
couldnt get any better and if it did i would explode with
joy haha who has that life? if u do im scared, well my
friend stef has been great except for the fact she keeps
secrets from me and i hate it cause weve been friends for
so long and she ignores the fact that it wont hurt me in
the long run even though it will and its just completely
upsetting but shes really into sex now and im not and shes
just the popular goth which is cool her and i stuck
together when we wanted to be different which is good now
cause the only thing which makes me happy is dressing
different and the fact that doug is here too which is
great but ill get bak to that in a jiffy, i lost josh, not
by breaking up though its worse but hey im here rnt i? and
the reason i thank for that is doug..even though he doesnt
know it hes kept me here and also i dont think he knows
how suicidalish i feel towards life cause i mean
truthfully i wish i could just put an end to it at times
and let my body decay so noone has to be scarred with the
sight of my dead body but hey its not my prob aand it wont
haunt me but wow, seeing him gets me soo happy i cant
explain what i feel when i see him its a mix of emotions
and im scared to say i love him truthfully but deep inside
i do even though i never felt wat love was really like
except with josh but this feels different, it feels more
real now it feels like this is it that this is actually
true but at the same time its crazy to say this cause im
only 15 yet i think its going to last i mean even if we do
fall apart itll happen in the long run cause i dont think
anything can replace him and once my mom is okay with me
doing that whole bf/gf thing ill bring it up with him
which will hopefully be soon cause i really want to be
just with him o god when i see him its like a dream
actually coming real and wow i think this has been the
best summer of my life , being with him is so..um..soo
shit cant think of the word but its so
wonderful..extrardinairy,fantastic,marvelous,wonderous,surr
eal, its like a feeling i dont think i will ever be abole
to get its like ur high-on MJ even though ive never been
and with out all the laughin aww today i wass thinking
bout him soo much i havent been able to talk to him much
cause hes at his dads house first and secondly my mom took
my cell which is ugh so pissin me off anyways, wow ive
been training soo much lately i want to beat the bitches
on my team yet i couldnt these past few days cause of the
problem with my face cause i broke blood vessels in my
face and haha ya, wow o the dare stef gave me haha i love
doing that to him its so i dont kno sumtin bout it and the
point of being so close and omg wow haha and we were at
the black potatoe fest and we got the same henna tattoos
and i dont know i was so happy that day i dont know if it
was possible to get me down, wow i love him so much

well im going to add my poetry to this cause i need to
store it somewhere its mostly since i met doug but ill say
otherwise if it isnt




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