bluemoon

The crazy world of me
2004-07-12 17:26:24 (UTC)

I AM SO SCARED..... WHAT TO DO???????

LAST NIGHT MY SHIT WOULDN'T SAVE LUCKILY I SAVE THE ENTRY
ON MY COMPUTER. I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME BUT I HAVE
BEEN SO BUSY LATELY. ALL I EVER DO IS WORK. AND SCHOOL IS
GETTING READY TO START AGAIN. I AM SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS
YEAR. RICKY IS GOING BACK TO SCHOOL. I AM STARTING A
WHOLE NEW SCHOOL WITH A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO IT. I JUST
DONT KNOW IF I AM GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH IT. I KNOW
PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME BUT I AM NOT A STRONG AS PEOPLE
THINK. I AM VERY SENSITIVE. IT ALL JUST SCARES ME.
I DON'T WANT TO REPEAT THE SAME THINGS THAT HAPPENED LAST
YEAR WITH RICKY. I REALLY DO BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS ITS
NOT GOING TO BE LIKE THAT. I AM JUST SCARED. I DONT WANT
TO LOOSE HIM. HE IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY
LIFE. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO
WITHOUT HIM.
RICKY AND I USE TO HAVE THE BEST SEX LIFE EVER AND NOW
ITS LIKE NON-EXISTING. HE MAKES ME FEEL LATELY LIKE HE IS
NOT EVEN ATTRACTED TO ME AT ALL. I DONT FEEL LIKE HE EVEN
WANTS TO TOUCH ME. AND LIKE NOW HE BARELY EVER WANTS ME TO
TOUCH HIM. HE TOLD ME I JUST PICK THE WRONG TIMES BUT IT
WOULD BE THE SAME SITUATIONS THAT WE WOULD BE IN BEFORE
WHEN HE DIDN'T MIND. I MEAN I DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX LIKE
EVERYDAY BUT ITS MAYBE ONCE A WEEK NOW AND IT JUST DONT
SEEM THE SAME. LIKE ONE NIGHT HE FELL ASLEEP DURING SEX.
HE SAYS HE DIDN'T BUT HE WAS SNORING. GRANTED WE HAD
SMOKED A LOT AND HE HAD WORKED ALL NIGHT BUT HOW CAN YOU
FALL ASLEEP DURING SEX. I MEAN WAS IT THAT BORING. THEN
IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM LIKE I CAN EVER KEEP HIM WELL
SATISFIED DURING IT IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. WHICH THAT HE
ALSO BLAMED ON THE WEED BUT THAT WAS NOT THE ONLY NIGHT
THAT HAPPENED. ITS NOT LIKE THESE WERE ALL SPREAD APART
INCIDENTS. THEY WERE LIKE ONE AFTER THE OTHER. I REALLY
WANT TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT BUT I DONT WANT HIM TO FLIP
OUT ON ME OR TELL ME I AM MAKING UP SHIT OR SOMETHING ALONG
THOSE LINES. HE ALWAYS TELLS ME THAT. HE ALWAYS MAKES ME
FEEL LIKE ALL THE PROBLEMS IN THE RELATIONSHIP ARE MY
FAULT. BUT I CANT HELP THAT I CANT LET GO ABOUT SOME OF
THE STUFF THAT HAPPENED. I AM TRYING. I DONT WANT TO HOLD
ON TO THAT SHIT BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. IT HURTS TO HOLD ON.
I JUST KEEP THINKING THAT ONE DAY HE IS GOING TO BE LIKE
I AM TIRED OF MICHELLE'S SHIT AND JUST FIND SOMEONE ELSE
AND LEAVE. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO. I AM SO
SCARED I DONT WANT TO LOOSE HIM.
WELL I AM GOING TO GO BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE A TEST
TOMORROW FOR SCHOOL SO PEACE.
~MICEHLLE~