elliots_skull

elliots bliss
2004-07-11 03:01:41 (UTC)

Death and more phobia's

I have recently realized that my life is full of death. I
have also realized the fear I have of it. I believe the
most bothersome thing in my life at this moment is death,
not the fact that it is destroying my life but the fact
that when i die it will be scarry....it will be the
slowest
moment in my life and I dont know if I can handle not
knowing how. I am very good at planning things in my life.
Everything has been planned, even my mistakes. I knew
atleast what I was in for when I made the decision to do
drugs or when I wanted to be a tease. I understood what
was
ahead. But death has no plan, death is no purpose. I don't
know if I believe in a god so I can not see how earth has
a
purpose either. But I have something in me that scares me
when there is no plan. I plan chaos, I planned madness in
mylife....on purpose. I know you may think that there is
no
plan in chaos and that is what makes it so, but I planned
it, I did. I took the ciggerette and burnt my hand, I
screamed and I felt good. It was premeditated. To ruin the
earth that is.




Ad: