Rice Tree Girl

Ramblings Beneath a Rotating Fan..
2004-07-08 22:55:23 (UTC)

Thanks.. Almost

So I keep talking the other day.
I won't shut up.
I can't shut up.
And you're getting angry.
Miffed.
Annoyed.
On edge, is how you put it.
And you say its my fault I got lost.
And I guess I'm getting annoying now.
So I keep thinking.
You say everything I do is my decision.
So I think on it till the next day.
And you were right.
The fighting between me and my parents,
The screaming
And them screaming at me.
About how worthless I am.
I am responsible for that.
It is my fault.
because I was born.
And I would take it back.
But that also would have been my fualt.
So I get this email from you.

"No don't say that it wasn't your fault. Nothing that you
said there is your fault. Yesterday I was on edge. It is
my fault. Your parents yelling at you is not your fault.
It is never your fault and don't you think for a second it
is."

And I believe in this again.
In me again.
I am comforted.
Until three hours ago.
Wehn you get on
and automatically it is
"Be right back"
It is three hours past.
Almost to the minute.
And where are you. I want to talk to you.
But you're gone.
And now He is on.
And I only want you to save me again.
Instead of ignoring me just like the 27th
The day before the 28th.
I don't want history to repeat itself again.
And I don't want to end up hearing
The whispered beautiful in my ear.
The beautiful that means nothing.
I want to hear "its not your fault"
from you.
Because it is from you.
And I want to remember your laugh,
not him telling me how he loves mine.
I want to hear you laugh again.
And I want to see some words.
I need to be brought back to life.
I need you to say something.
Because Be Right Back doesn't continue on
For three hours.
And It seems like now
you are always too busy.
Too busy for me.
Please don't do this.
I need an answer.
So moon and stars,
Roz




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