Ramblings of a Mom
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Well, we finally made it back from our trip/vacation to
North Carolina! It was what I could consider a very
successful trip. I feel like I am so much closer to my
husband in so many ways after going to North Carolina and
spending a week with his family. I am beginning to
understand where he came from, who he came from, and why he
is the way he is.
The positive of the trip would be that we lived in a condo
with his "bitch sister" (that's what he calls her -- up
until this trip, he refused to even speak to her) and Mom
for a week without any major meltdowns or confrontations.
Don't get me wrong, we had some, but they weren't nearly as
major as I feared they would be.
The down side on this particular trip was that the decision
process has been started to look into getting his Dad
placed in a nursing home of sorts and take him out of his
own home and environment. He put up a really good front
when my husband's oldest sister stayed with him for a few
days, but then after she left, he had an accident (bowel
movement) on himself and the couch and such and was sitting
in it when the other sister arrived to visit. After she
was disgusted and left, he asked for my husband to come
over. He said that he needed for something to be done. My
husband goes over there, and his Dad wants him to clean his
bathroom. He cleans it, and while his Dad is shuffling
through the bedroom, he takes a tumble (even while using
his cane) and busts up his knee pretty good (again).
He is 72/73 years old and he had a stroke a few years ago.
He was fully rehabilitated and doing well, but since he
moved back into his house by himself, he just parked
himself on his couch and doesn't move or speak to anyone,
so he has regressed to next to nothing. He makes himself
get out of the house at least once a day, to the store,
whatever. He eats nothing but TV dinners, and only eats by
the clock, not by hunger. He only wears a shirt and
underwear and socks, he feels that wearing pants or shorts
would delay his access to the bathroom when he finally
realizes the urge to go, if he realizes it in time. I feel
sorry for him and for his kids. They think that he will
fight any move to get him out of the house and away from
his independence. I feel sorry for him living this way,
and I also feel bad for what the kids are going through
trying to decide what to do for their Dad. When the whole
conversation started, it was amazing how they just welcomed
me and my opinion into the whole situation. The only bad
thing was that we had this conversation in front of their
Mom, and she'll worry and stress over it, even though
they've been separated/divorced for 10 years.
The talk is moving him to a VA home in Pennsylvania. The
major drawback is that he will be close to the oldest
daughter and we all know and agree that she will then focus
her life on taking care of and tending to him rather than
herself. My husband's two sisters are good people, closing
in on their forties, and are unmarried and have no
children. Only one of them has actually been married
once. The oldest sister just works at her job, chairs
Special Olympics in her area, and spends time with Mom.
The next daughter (my husband is the baby of the family)
travels around the world with her job (Information
Technology), so she would not even have time to have a
personal life, much less a family or relationship.
There's much more to tell, but I gotta run and try to get
something done today, food in our house, diapers for the