polyester bride

The Blue of my Oblivion
2004-07-05 05:51:22 (UTC)

k-i-s-s-i-n-g

HAPPY FUCKING FOURTH OF JOO-LY EVERYONE!!!

Are YOU proud to be an American?

Actually I changed the words - I was singing, "I'm proud
to be a Canadian." It was awfully cheesey, watching
fireworks while God Bless the USA played in the
background. I looked to my left: people kissing. I looked
to my right: people kissing! I looked at my feet and let
out this huge, dramatic SIGH. And I probably rolled my
eyes a little. It sucked knowing that couples across
America were rejoicing the birth of our nation (blah blah
blah blah) by full on groping while fireworks shot up in
the background. How cliche...

It made me want some freedom fries! And some freedom
toast! And dammit! I wanted to go freedom kiss someone! So
I just stood there like a moron, wearing a crown from
Burger King with Spiderman on the front. La de fuh-rickin
da...

The REALLY unfortunate part about this all, besides
being alone during one of the most romantic times ever, is
that I cannot for the life of me get God Bless the USA out
of my head! I keep humming it without realizing it. It's
annoying beyond all acceptance.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I'M FREE blah blah blah
blah blah ME

Haha, I'm pathetic.

So Max and I were talking about masturbation today! It
was funny, because we were both being so serious about it.
We talked about who we think does or at least has, and ha
we even talked about the things that turn us on. Like,
some people get turned on by furniture and fountains. I
think that's weird, but whatever makes you happy...Oh
Jesus then I thought I saw Trey, but I looked twice and it
wasn't him. My heart was beating at about 80 million miles
per hour. Then I saw another guy with his arm around a
girl, and he was slowly slowly lowering his hand to her
butt. And then he got it there and just grabbed like his
life depended on it. And I wanted to run up there and kick
him! I was so pissed off at this guy I didn't know, just
for violating the girl like that. Jerk...

Now, Tahe and I are talking about making out. He's
asking me about who I think kisses best and what position
I like to be in. Ha, it's making me laugh. But I'm trying
to be serious about it. He's asked me this kind of stuff
before, what kind of kisses I like and stuff like that.
Makes me wonder what he's planning...dun dun dun...Okay
but honestly, this kissing thing has been bothering me.
Kissing is like this addictive drug. It's like pringles,
man. Once ya pop the fun don't stop, or something like
that. I remember last year at the fourth of Joo-ly, and I
was holding hands with Corwin (ahaha I laugh, I laugh) and
he was like so, we should make out. And I couldn't because
I was dating Cohen (I think...) and well I could never
cheat, so I didn't. But I was sad because I felt like it
was some kind of DUTY to be kissing your person on the
fourth, cause it's all fireworky and stuff. Then this year
I was still kissybuddy-less. And all I could do was look
at the ground and go dammit. Ha I must be some kinda sad,
right? I feel bad, and sort of dirty, thinking about this.
But then again I also feel like though I'm kicking myself
over this, it's normal. Like if I could get into two
conversations today about it, it must be at least somewhat
common. Either that or they are just as strange as I am.
You know, I'm not quite sure.

But answers to Tahe's questions:

Who kisses best: applesauce. hands down.

Favorite kind of kisses: sweet kisses, but sometimes I
can't help gettin rough ;) ahaha I'm weird.

Favorite place to be kissed: oooo neck! neck! neck! mmmm
it feels good

Favorite position to be in while kissing: anything as long
as it's relaxed and comfortable

Casual kiss on the cheek: I definitely approve

Anything else you would like to know?

So in other news, Denny is doing just lovely. He emailed
me with an update, because I made him. He has this funky
disease that he tried to explain to me once but I didn't
get it and I didn't want to hear about it anyway. It could
be fatal (my poor baby) and he's still taking it so well.
He's writing a lot of poetry, he says, but he still
refuses to let me read any of it. But I have to respect
that and promise not to throw and hissy fits. I just have
no clue what I would do if I didn't have my Denny around.
I mean he's not AROUND because he lives far away, but he's
always here **points to boob** (I mean my heart...silly)
and I would be crushed if Mrs. Jeane called me at say 5 in
the morning telling me that he'd died. I'm trying to
convince him to tell the make-a-wish people to send him
and a guest (oo la la) to some fancy shmancy place. I vote
shopping in London or New York. I need some art to go up
in my new room. But he doesn't know what he'll do. I guess
it's one of those huge decisions you have to be careful
about. I'd just be like bitch, surprise me! Where's my
damn plane ticket?!? But he's too sweet for that. Jeez I
just cannot believe it. He was perfectly healthy a year
ago. And now he's being eaten alive by some stupid disease
with a name that uses like every letter in the alphabet.

He is a very special person, and means so much to me.
That's why I give him so much attention, so many
shoutouts. He's my doofus. And I really want him to feel
loved. Not that he isn't loved, everyone who meets him
falls in love with him. I don't know how many girls have
gotten their hearts broken because they loved him and he
couldn't love them back because HELLO SWEETIE, HE'S
GAYYYY. And they persisted. I admit I had a little thing
for him at one point, but knew it couldn't ever work so I
just kept it to myself. But apparently there's this
guy...um...Mark? Something like that...anyway, this GUY is
really good lookiing and really smart and Denny likes him
a lot. He says the guy takes really good care of him, and
that's really great because he deserves it. I really hope
they can stop whatever it is that's doing this to him. I
want to see pictures of my baby again, with those pretty
eyes and sparkly smile. He looks so sad in all of his
recent pictures. It's really depressing.

A lot of things lately have been making me appreciative.
Like I'm moving around from place to place, eating out
every night, and living out of a suitcase. I have so much
empathy for celebrities, it's a very lonely life. And I
used to hate and complain about my house, and now I want,
more than anything, to be back in my dirty house. I miss
it all so much. And now I'm sleeping in a crackwhore's
bed. And all the cat statues and pictures stare at me when
I'm sleeping. Then I wake up and there's a giant dog
laying next to me and about six cats piled on top of my
feet. Eek. But Tuesday we move out of here and into the
apartments where I will have my own phoneline and internet
connection (Ah la grande! I am so excited) so I can keep
to myself and write and just be alone.

Well it's late, and I'm really really tired. I was on my
feet all day. I need a massage, big time. I have all these
plans for this week, hanging out and waiting for my-shelle
to get home because I miss her like crazy.

~I'm spent~
~fin~

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Lyrics of the day:

Monday morning came too soon
It’s entering my forgotten room
Diquised as the morning sun and I should be under

I’m here
Waiting for you
To come and rescue me
From this awful blue

Looks like another day
In another way
Through another place
Too many lonely days
I’m not here for sure
Just here for you
You walked trough the door
Cause I said I didn’t need you anymore
Anymore…

Monday morning
Caught me by surprise
Covering up my weary eyes
Only helpless, not yet torn
Too many tears I’ve worn

But I’m here
Waiting for you
To come and rescue me
From this awful blue

Looks like another day
In another way
Through another place
Too many lonely days
I’m not here for sure
Just here for more
You walked trough the door
Cause I said I didn’t need you anymore

But I said a lot of stupid stuff for sure
There’s nothing I want more
This morning

Looks like another day
In another way
Through another place
Too many lonely days
Cause I’m not here for sure
Just here for more
You walked trough the door

Looks like another day
In another way
Through another place
Too many lonely days
Cause I’m not here for sure
Just here for more
You walked trough the door

-"Monday Morning", Maria Mena

I think I heard it first on a comercial on tv, and I
rushed to look it up and download it. It's a pretty song
and I like the lyrics. I often feel like Monday morning
came too soon. La de da. Good night all.




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