Crazy What You Could've Had
Of Restlessness And Time And Money Ill-Spent
I'm bored again.
Its awful, these parts of your life when its all on hold and
there's nothing you can do about it. Since I got back to
Huddersfield 2 months ago, I've acheived diddly squat.
I've had my interview, which I should have prepared better
for, and I've waited for things. I've won a couple of
auctions. I've re-joined the mobile phone society and
realised I don't really fit in. I've worked a little and
earned some money.
I've spent recklessly, too. I've been spending over £100 a
week, on nothing, really. Its been stupid, and these last
two days have been the worst. I've spent about £150 on CDs
and a football shirt. I've bought a new football (A Roteiro,
Euro fans)...I've got to stop. I need to know, really. I
need to move on to the next phase, be it a temporary job
hunt before college, or a permanent part-time job to keep me
in money so I can read a lot more before next year.
I don't really have any anger any more, no real resentment
toward the things I used to despise. I find I can let it all
slide and not affect me. Its a mellowing out that finds me
liking Billy Joel more and more, and Lambchop too. No,
they're not massively similar, but there's a piano and voice
combo that moves me enough to make me like it. A lot.
I've been waiting and waiting for Lost In Translation, too,
to come out on DVD. The sense of being lost in that is
perceptable in my own life too often. LiT's Tokyo is a
stupidly bright and fast city, but I'm finding that far too
many places are too bright and too fast for me now and all I
want to do is stay inside and read and talk.
The last moment of incredible joy I had was a bolt from the
blue when I bought Lost In Translation on Monday, and the
chap behind the counter in Music Zone in Huddersfield - to
whom I am eternally grateful - instead of just looking
scanning and asking actually seemed interested...he told me
he was looking forward to watching it again when he got
home, and I wanted to ask him more, but I just said me too,
and that I'd really enjoyed it at the cinema. But he
recognised me on Wednesday, too, when I went to buy Solaris,
but couldn't find it and bought K-Pax instead. I really
Its the devoid nature of my current life that means I'm
going out most nights and getting drunk just as something to
do and I don't really enjoy it anyway....
So what now? I think Piano Man by Billy Joel again as I move
my room round to accomodate my bed facing the computer
screen so I can watch Frasier, or Cheers without getting out
of bed. It'd nice if it'd fit. Time will tell. More later.
WILT? Piano Man (Live) - Billy Joel