Jin

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2004-07-01 23:15:19 (UTC)

Sweet Beginnings and Bitter Endings (June)

Well before I begin to describe what a rollercoaster of a
month this was for me, I'll clear up what has happened upto
the beginning of June.

May 24th-30th
This week I went back to the gym. Its been a long time
since
I did but it was good to be back. It was still the same,
people trying their hardest to bulk up or tone up. I also
did my usual of teaching rounds for several other people.

May 31st - I've kept this entry as discreet as possible so
be warned as I was very upset and shocked about the whole
event. Today I did my usual, just did my teaching rounds
etc. I was going to go the gym but I think the weather was
crap. I was basically home alone till after 10. I got a
text from my sister saying that one of her friend was hurt
and that she was with him. I was about to call my mum
until she came through the door at around 10.30. I told
her what happened and later my sister called back. She
told my mum and me all the details and that she was at the
police station. She said her friend was rushed into
hospital and that she was held at the police station to
give evidence of what she saw. She told us to get her some
clothing as she couldn't take what she was wearing home.
As soon as my dad came back we went to the police station
and there she was. She was injured and I almost cried when
I saw her. Just didn't think she was the type to get into
trouble, just luckily she didn't get hurt really bad.
After the police briefed to the family at what happened,
she changed into the clothes we brought her. Trouble was
that she didn't have any shoes, so I piggy backed her all
the way to my dad's car. We came home, really tired, just
thought this was the beginning...

June 1st - Today our family got a phone call from the
police. They identified some suspects and they needed my
sister to give a statement. Two men, around 6 ft 3, dark
hair and very broad knocked on the door and was to escore
us to a local station dealing with what had happened the
night before. I was to accompany her during the interview,
but when she was to give evidence, she was going to be in
the room with the officers by herself. In the meantime I
went into some local newsagent and bought myself some
trashy tv guide (I think it cost me 20p). The interview
finished at around 1.45, which my dad came and picked us
up. Afterwards we went food shopping and not doing much
else.

June 2nd - Today I accompanied my sister once again to a
local clinic so that a doctor can document the injuries
inflicted on her. It must have been around 9.30 when we
arrived at the clinic. It didn't take us that much longer
to wait for her appointment. We were lead into a small
room where the doctor just asked her a few questions,
examined her and then we left. We stopped by a newsagent
for a while where she was to get a few things. I paid for
all of it and she said she was going to visit her friend
that was hurt, which was fair enough. She wasn't going
alone which was our major concern.

June 5th - Tonight I was going to go meet up with Sikena,
Pinky and Emma. We haven't seen eachother since Jay's
birthda. I speak to Sikena (Diva) practically everyday
since we met at popstarz that night. I met them at Ku Bar
at around 8ish where we had a few drinks. We made a scene
on the streets - Sikena told me to fuck off, because thats
what she's suppose to say to me. I then told her that,
well at least I don't look like you, which I then got 3
slaps from each of them. It was funny =p. Anyway we
drinking in Ku Bar and we were just chatting about
rubbish. There was this guy selling tickets to go to
Heaven, but they weren't on sale till around 9. We were
chatting about something and I think one of us said "Does
he work there?" in which he replied "Yeah, I just get paid
like everyone else to stand and look good (he really
wasn't, kind of like Jack from the White Stripes). I must
have said something "Well, if that fails you can always
work as a human paperweight". Enough said.
We bought our tickets bang on the hour and we stayed there
till around 10, drinking and chatting rubbish like always.
We left there to go get something to eat. Nearby Heaven
was a McDonalds, I bought 20 nuggets in which I must have
ingested like 16. We waited outside Heaven till it opened.
We went inside and it was still the same as the last time
I visited it (Last Year in June). To be frank I thought I
would like Heaven like I did last year, but it turns out
that Heaven is the most stereotypical place you would
expect from a gay club. Topless barmen, a mini pool where
some foreign Kosovan (ugly) guys would parade with just
their panties on. I felt really bored, but Sikena and
Pinky both took an E. Emma was quite reluctant to and she
basically sold it and kept the money. She was really
miserable that day, talking so much crap, I really bit my
tongue to not upset her (yeah unlikely but I did). I
danced with Pinky earlier in like the Pop Room, the other
rooms were just pants. I basically thought it was a
rubbish night, but it was good to see Sikena again.

June 7th - Today I was basically planning my birthday. I
hoped to do what I set out to do last year, which was to
have a picnic. This year I was going to have despite what
the weather was (unless it was torrential rain that
flooded the whole of London). I basically made alot of
phone calls this week asking alot of people to come and
see if they are able to make it.

June 9th - Tonight I was going to see a gig at the Carling
Academy. I was at work till 6 and I left early to meet up
with Kin, Amy and Emily. We were going together to see a
free gig that Virgin Mobile have organised for its
customers. We went to Angel Tube Station and then towards
the Burger King there, where we were to meet up with Jane
and Zoe. Jane was wearing this eye patch that we all
noticed. She said that she lost one of her contacts and
that she was hard of seeing in one eye. If didn't have
anything to cover it then she would have obscure vision.
We all had something to eat before hand and shortly after
Rupesh arrived. At around 8ish we all made our way to the
Carling Academy. We came in and went upstairs, there was
already an act playing called "Fallout Trust", a proper
band with good songs. We all bought some drinks and just
stood around waiting for the acts. The crowd was somewhat
mixed, you had people who were like gig goers and you can
tell that they frequent it and had that whole studenty
look about them with their greasy hair cuts and shades of
brown. You also had a few young people who just basically
came, like most people, to a free gig and to get alcohol
without being IDed.
Anyway after the band left the stage, there was a short
interlude where they played a few songs. We all danced in
a circle and that was fun. Around 20 min later this guy
called "John the Whiterapper" came on. Like most things I
was going to give him a chance. He came on his set with
his DJ friend what I describe as an annoying git. They
opened with a rap and the Prodigy's "Firestarter"
instrumental. That was crap. Then he did an actual song
which was also really bad. Then he did raps over NORE -
Nothing and Britney Spears - Toxic. Enough said.
When he was off I just thought to hell with him and just
kept reminding myself that this was a free gig. Jane, Zoe
and Rupesh left early because they had to sort something
out in their house so we said goodbye shortly after.
Then the headlining act came - GoldieLookinChain. They
were a posse of Welsh rappers who attire was laughable and
their whole look. .
They did a few songs which some of the crowd enjoyed but
most people had trouble understanding them. We must have
gotten out around 11ish and just made our way home. We got
to London Bridge and went home from there. Amy left with
Kin at Woolwich Arsenal station and Emily came around mine
waiting for Sam to take her home. It was a funny night,
not a great gig but hey it was free and we did get to
spend time together. Bon Voyage.

June 10th - 18th - Organising my birthday and basically
rescheduling it to be celebrated on July 4th.

June 19th - Today I was doing my usual, getting up for
work etc and just doing my thing. Later that day I found
out that my grandad was extremely ill with Lukemia (I
think thats how its spelt) and that he didn't have much
time left. We planned to go down to Bristol after midnight
because my dad would have finished work by then. We got
our things together and made our way out. After 10 mins of
driving my mum thought that she left the gas on at home,
so we had to go back to check. I went in and turned off
some of the lights and then checked for if the gas was
turned on. I left the house grabbing a few snacks and
things and made our way there. It was a Saturday night and
it was still pretty dark. We drove through London and it
was just like any other Saturday Night - noisy, crowded
and still pretty much alive.
We were on the road for around 3 hours including a few
stops at dead service stations on the way. We eventually
made our way to my Aunt's house in Bristol, it was a long
journey and I just wanted some sleep. We must have got
there around 4am, the rest of the family were shattered
and went to bed.

June 20th - I slept on the couch the night before and it
was very comfortable. Last night I could have opted for
sleeping on a bed but I gave it to my dad, he probably
needed the rest more than most people. The sun pierced
through the curtains and I woke up. It must have been
around 9am. My cousin Johnny came down and just started to
walk around towards the kitchen. Everyone in that family
must have woken up by now and I was just lying on the
couch. We still had to go to Swansea where my grandad was
lying in hospital. We had some breakfast and I went
upstairs to get myself sorted. My cousins' Johnny and
Kevin were in the kitchen having breakfast and my aunt was
having a cup of tea with my uncle. Kevin asked me to help
him with a math problem in which when I told him how to do
it he just grumbled. He was going to accompany a family
friend to a computer fair in which he was to partake in a
few bargain hunts for cheap hardware/software.
I was going to go with a group of family to the hospital
in Swansea where my grandad was.
After we got our stuff together and had something to eat,
my aunty Mei, my cousin Johnny, myself, my sisters and my
mum and dad all went together to go see him.
We first swung by my other cousin's house. I too haven't
seen them for a very long time but now they own a pub and
restaurant. It was around 11am and it took us around 20
min to reach their pub. My aunty Leung and her son Paul
were sorting out the pub and my uncle was just doing
whatever around it. We went in and looked around for a bit
and then they just told us to get whatever we want in the
pub chill cabinet. We didn't take anything, my aunt just
start taking out the red bulls and crisps.
So that was it. We all then began to drive from there to
the hospital. The journey wasn't interesting and the
weather was terrible, cloudy and random burst of showers.
I start chatting to Johnny about things he's been doing,
his family and his school. It was a long while since I
spoken to him and anyone on my dad's side of the family
tree. Mei's husband last week went in for heart surgery
and I was asking Johnny how he felt. He was glad he was ok
but having the thought of possibly losing his dad must
have been terrible. When death is a possibility there's a
constant "what ifs" or "if only".
We arrived at the border of Wales at around midday. We
didn't have anything to eat this morning so we decided to
go one of those little service stations cafe. It wasn't
anything special. I think I had a jacket potato with baked
beans and my family just had whatever. Funny thing Johnny
did. He got those little circular cartons of milk that you
used for tea and coffee, opened it then drank it.
What a funny boy. Anyway it took us another hour to reach
Swansea. There were towns with huge backdrops of scenic
hill and cliffs and lots of bridges connecting various
parts of England to Wales.
When we arrived there, the hospital looked like it was
closed. Turns out that one of the hospital wings didn't
open on a Sunday so we took a small detour that actually
had people in it.
My aunty rang my grandad's daughter. You see back in
Vietnam, my grandad had two wives. To Vietnamese society
even though he fathered two sets of children from each
wife, we were seen as related as though in blood. My real
grandmother died back in Vietnam.
When he came to this country his other ex-wife, aunt Mei's
real mother didn't want to know him anymore and he
remarried and moved to Wales where he had third wife and
three children. I have never met them before today.
A woman came down from the elevator. She was frumpy, had
long coarse hair that was tied back, not look any older
than 20. Her eyes looked that she had been crying earlier
and the tears rang down the side of face, creating the
redness of her cheeks.
We followed her up to where my grandad was. She led up to
the room and the rest of her family was there surrounding
the bed. My grandad was unconscious, calmly breathing and
pale. Aunt Mei came in crying as she saw her dad there,
shouting to him in chinese "dad, don't go, wake up".
There was a waiting room three rooms away. There my sister
had a round table and chair and she sat doing some
revision for her exam. Johnny was listening to my CD
player, sitting next to the TV with his back to the
windows looking out to the sea. I sat down on the other
side of the room and started to read.
Ten minutes passed and I went back to the room. My aunt
calmed down and she was sitting holding his hand. My dad
stood over him and so did the rest of the people there.
His three kids from his third wife - the first we saw
earlier who lead us there was with her boyfriend. The
second was a woman with long black hair, really beautiful
skin and eyes that seemed to glow, very different from her
sister. The third was a boy who seemed to had a face that
kept smiling. By him was a woman that didn't look like a
she was his girlfriend or anything. I later found that he
was mentally handicapped. He had big physique, about 5ft
10 and with a constant grin. That woman beside her was his
social worker. I felt really sorry for him, poor child,
having no idea what is going on. Their mother was also
with them, a sad expression and sitting by her daughters.
I then walked around the ward. There were people
recovering, laying in bed - sleeping, reading or watching
TV.
I then retracted back to the waiting room and my
handicapped uncle was there reading a book. Johnny was now
watching TV. He put the CD player back into the bag I was
carrying and I asked him does he want to go for a walk.
We went back to where we got the elevator and then legged
it down the stairs. For such a young boy hes got so much
energy, I felt almost as old as the people in the ward.
When we went downstairs two elderly ladies started opening
the hospital tuck shop. I asked Johnny what he wanted and
he said he just wanted some jelly beans. So I bought a few
and walked around for a bit. We were exploring the
hospital until we got bored and then took the elevator
back to the ward. I walked into the room where they were
all watching him and opened the jelly beans. The packet
ripped and it all scattered across the floor! We all
managed to help pick it up but it felt the atmosphere
changed slightly and it became less solemn and somewhat
uplifting as they all laughed at my clumsiness.
My sister was also in that room when it happened. She then
left to go stare at the picture frames of hanging at
various places at the ward. Me and Johnny were walking
around the ward and my sister was slightly behind us. We
walked upto some wardens and I asked if I could talk to
the people in the bed and be a good samaritan. They just
laughed and said the people needed rest and that was a
nice thought. My sister retreated saying Oh my god and
Johnny just laughed.
Just outside the room was a trolley. On the trolley was a
few clerical items and a box of disposable rubber gloves.
My sister thought it would be an opportunity to take a
few, so she peered around to see if anyone was looking and
took a few. Johnny then took a pair and then gave it to
me. It was 4pm now and my dad came out to tell us that we
were leaving and to say goodbye to grandad. We went back
down and my mum must have mentioned to aunt Leung about my
birthday day. She then forced some money down the back
pocket of my trousers and I tried to dodge it as I don't
like people giving me money. She also gave some to my
sister.
We got back to Bristol at 5 and we just crashed back at
the couch. We were so exhausted, we decided to have at
least an hour of sleep. They made some dinner, duck and
vegetables.
I checked my pockets and took out the money that Leung
gave me. Usually if they do give me money its never higher
than £20. I checked it and oh my there was £60. I placed
in my wallet and we all sat down and had some dinner. We
packed our bags and left the house at 10pm. We didn't get
home till around 1 and we just all slept.
Happy Father's Day....

June 22nd - Hey its my birthday and I wasn't going to
celebrate it today. I wanted a picnic but the weather
didn't look like it was holding up so I postponed it to
July 4th. Anyhow I rang up Deren today and asked if he
wanted to go lunch with me. He said alright then so I took
the train up there and met him. We went to this nice
cafe/bistro called Fiora and they did really nice bagels.
We sat down and chatted about whatever and had a really
nice lunch, two smoked salmon and cream bagels and two
portions of falafel. I mentioned to him that a few days
back I entered a competition for tickets to Big Gay Out,
the event for Pride London 2004. He said he'll have to
check but if he wasn't doing anything that day it should
be ok. Well it was a competition I don't know if I
actually stood a chance of winning. But you know someone
to think about. We then went to Ku Bar and had a pitcher
of Sex on the Beach, this being our collective favourite
drink. Chatted for a while and then we departed.
I received some money from relatives here and there but
nothing else.

June 23rd - This morning I went downstairs because the
doorbell rang. There were several letters and two
envelopes with the faceparty logo on it. They did the
competition on the website, but I already knew what had
happened. They would not go to the trouble of telling me I
didn't win so I opened the envelope. I had won two tickets
to Pride! I was so happy I couldn't contain it. It was a
fantastic feeling of winning something I didn't expect to
win, but I gave it my best shot and I did. But the strange
thing was that I didn't received one envelope, I got two.
The second was address to the Lady Barabara Bush but it
had my address on it. It was strange but inside there were
two tickets. So altogether four. I called up Sikena and I
said guess what? I got Pride tickets and you're coming
with me. I mentioned this her I think on MSN and now it
seems that we were in luck, we actually got the tickets!
I rang several people that day as I was unsure who could
make it but it was a fantastic feeling.

June 27th - Today I went uptown to get a few bits and bob
for Pride. I was thinking to go as Michael Jackson meets A
Clockwork Orange. So I went to up London to get myself a
riding crop from Ann Summers. Must have been around twelve
when I got it. £12.99 it cost me but I think that its
going to make me look really good. I then took a trip to
Camden because I needed some leather gloves, to add to the
sadoism of the look. It was also Michaels birthday and I
had to get back to as soon as. He was going to have a
celebration at Lloyds and go bowling. Fair enough if that
what he wanted to do. Well I was bought him two albums
then I dashed back down to meet him. There were no trains
running to Bexleyheath so I had to go to Lewisham and bus
it all the way there. Once I got there Kayan, Michael and
Chris (some guy I knew in my year) was there. I bought a
few drinks and just basically chatted. I passed my riding
crop around for all to see and people started whipping
everyone. Deren came soon after and his friend Michelle.
Oh how much fun I had bitching with her about Del, poor
him though (not really). Sam and Emily came soon after and
so did some of other Michael's friends. Around 8ish we
made our way to the bowling alley where we waited for our
lanes.
Robert, a gay man who went to college with me and Michael
was also there, still looking like him. He had a friend
who was coming too, can't remember his name but he was
quite good looking.
Everyone had a go at bowling even though 8 people paid to
play. There was a DJ there and our lane won some of the
pop that night due to the outrageous dancing. More
whipping happened. And that was the gist of of how the
night went.
But this was just the calm before the storm Tomorrow I was
going back to Bristol as on Thursday I found out my
grandad had died. Happy Birthday....

June 28th- Today we as a family went back to Bristol
for my grandad's funeral. Instead of doing the whole
travelling in one day and back again we decided to go back
one day beforehand, to not feel so fatigue from the
constant travelling. We never travelled to Bristol in the
daytime and there was a good reason why. We left the house
at around noon with our packed bags and made a short stop
to the newsagent. As we never driven through London during
the daytime we had to pay the congestion charge.
We had to go through Fulham and parts of West London, it
was extremely busy and I haven't seen this part of London
before.
Another four hour laters we arrived at my Aunt Mei's
house. Spent the rest of the day unpacking and just
hanging about. Played with my cousin Johnny for a bit,
chased him around and chatted to him. Kevin was on the
computer. Mei was working so my uncle Phat was chatting to
us. The funeral was going to be taken place tomorrow but
it would have been less exhausting if we went the day
before. I've never been to a funeral so this was going to
be an experience for me. I never really knew my grandad,
only the odd things I asked my dad about. The last time I
saw him was in Canada in 1995 for my aunt's wedding in
Toronto, Canada.
He was a lively person but I never knew whether I should
fear him or respect. It seemed that most of the family
chose one way or another to separate from him. And now
we're here, together for his seeing off. I slept early.

June 29th - Today was the funeral. Everyone was up by 9 at
the latest. We all got ready and came down. There were
several boxes filled with coins (coppers), their purpose
unknown to me. We were all dressed and ready to go. Aunt
Leung, her husband Bac, Paul and his sister Ting drove by
in a minibus, enough to fit both my family and Mei's. I
sat at the back with Johnny, surrounded by various sweet
boxes, bottle water and carton drinks.
Another journey to Swansea which seemed everlasting. We
weren't as it was still early in the morning. Once we
arrived our first stop was to the chapel. Outside the
chapel were various flower wreaths, given by various
friends and family memebers. The casket was already inside
and picture of him was above it. We all lit joss sticks,
sticks used to in chinese society for the deceased to calm
and feed the spirits, and placed in an urn.
We soon left. Mei called up his daughter as we had to make
a trip to his house. We waited outside the chapel for her
to guide us there. His house was located on a slopey road,
kids were riding their bikes there and his house was
nearby. It must have taken 10 minutes to arrive there.
Once we went in the house we arrived outside. Aunty Leung
then started to give us white strips of fabric and told us
to attach it to our arms, secured with a safety pin. She
then drew a red dot on the each strip, to show that we
were family to the deceased.We then arrived at his house.
The garden was cluttered with all things imaginable,
mostly sticks, large pieces of wood and ornaments.
Inside however was another story. As we entered via the
back entrance the kitchen smelt aweful. It smelt a mixture
of rotten fruit and fish. The living room was tiny, had a
fish tank, two or three goldfish, lots of video tapes,
probably of chinese soaps. The next room other was a small
bedroom, I suppose from his age that he couldn't go up the
stairs as much and that it would have made more sense to
have it downstairs. As I mentioned earlier I never really
knew mt grandad, but it was quite interesting to
understand how he would have lived. I went outside where
my sister and Paul were chatting. I asked him why he
wasn't going inside and he replied 'I can't stand the
smell'.
We all chatted about various things and Paul was just
being a witty and sarcastic man. Ting was chatting to me
about her life and saying how much I've changed. We
haven't seen eachother for at least 10-11 years. My sister
was just being a bitch and chatting about me and
my "adventures". I then went over to the garden shed to
see what was inside. Nothing much, just a few gardening
tools and more wood. God how much wood does this guy need?!
We returned outside and group of black funeral limousines
appeared. The family split into two limousines. I sat at
the front with Ting and Phat on either side. This then
drove us back to the chapel. Once we arrived back there
were alot of people already outside. The whole family went
inside where there were already several people seated. At
the front of the chapel were a group of chinese men and
women in traditional uniforms, about 6 women and 2 men.
We gathered around to be seated. The funeral started at
around 2.45pm. The funeral was basically split into stages.
The first stage consisted of this short, old man who wore
glasses (I'll be referring him to the glasses man). Out of
the 6 women, the 5 were in several prayer positions. The
glasses man had the other man, a bald man much taller than
he was, beside him.
The glasses man first recited some chinese sayings in
which the women recited with him. This must have lasted
around 10 minutes. He then choreographed them in several
positions, like left quarter turn bow etc, in which they
followed it precisely. This must have lasted 20 minutes.
The other women who didn't take part in the prayer dance,
put on some music and then cleared the floor. She
explained to the various welshman there that what they're
about to do is whorship my grandad and if they have other
religious beliefs they can omit to doing certain things.
The first person to rise was his latest wife. A miniture
shrine with our surname on it and a little urn was placed
near the front. She went towards the side and picked up a
3 joss sticks. She then proceeded to the shrine and placed
the joss stick within the urn. She bowed three times then
turned towards the coffin and bowed another three times.
She then stood at the side in which she was to bow to any
friends for coming to the funeral.
Next was Uncle Bac (eldest of his children). He had tears
in his eyes and I could see Ting crying too. He repeated
what she did.
It continued till the whole family came, some in twos,
like myself and Paul and Ting with my sister.
We stood at the side and any friends that came we were to
bow to them. The people who were non related had to bow
only once to the shrine, once to the coffin then once to
the family. Seriously my head got really sore after this.
The funeral finished around 4.30. Johnny was telling me
earlier that he wanted to toilet so I accompanied him
there. We all left and we were handed sweats and a red
packet with a little money. Uncle Phat instructed us to
eat the sweet and then tear the packet and throw it away.
Once outside we chatted for a bit and I asked Ting if she
ever seen her dad cried. She said she hadn't and that it
wasn't the fact that we knew him, it was just how everyone
else who knew him reacted, especially Mei and Bac.
After the funeral service was conducted all the guests
went outside. As the casket came out we all turned away as
its bad luck to look directly at it (god the chinese are
so superstitious aren't they?). It was then put into its
funeral car. We all got back into the limos and followed
the casket. Uncle Phat started to toss out the coppers
from the boxes as we drove towards the burial grounds. We
reached a cemetery about 15 minutes away. Once we arrived
we had to look away again once the casket was taken out
from the car and placed into the grave. The funeral
prayers were already there placing the urn that was used
in the chapel in front of the grave. There was also an
small empty metal barrel( about 20cm tall) that had a
strong fire. We were then ordered to go towards the grave
in the order that we placed the joss sticks. The funeral
directors then asked us to put another joss stick into the
urn and to take a bit of dirt and throw it onto the
coffin. We then had to step over the small barrel. The
family started to burn hell and heaven money. These are
thin pieces of paper that had a value. There were about
equal amounts of heaven and hell dollars. In Chinese
society, the place in which a spirit goes to is unknown.
Wherever ever he ends up we burn both sets of money to
ensure his prosperity wherever he goes. In Chinese Society
and probably most Western societies, money and wealth are
signs of power and respect. After the procession the he
was buried, right next to another chinaman. There were now
two graves, on a nearly empty spot, around 40 meters of
where the other graves were buried.
We took a route that back to grandads house that didn't
retrace the route there. Phat continued to throw out
coppers. The emotion seemed to have seeped from everyone.
Once we returned they placed the urn from the funeral back
in his house.
We then returned to the minibus, took off the strips and
was waiting to go to hall.
Once there the table was dotted with sandwiches, duck,
pork and various bits. We sat there and chatted crap and
at quite a lot. It was two hours later we left but me,
Ting, my sister and Paul stayed in the minibus out of
boredom.
We must have got back at Mei house at 8. We all said
goodbye to Bac and his family. We all went in and slept
for a few hours.
We left the house at 11 and drove a long journey home. We
must have came home at 1. Before we had to go to bed we
had to to bath with these leaves to ward of the dead
spirits (yep superstitious).
If I'm ever to go Bristol, it had be for a holiday. I just
felt so emotionally drained, so tired. I just didn't want
to leave my house. That night I felt asleep and I didn't
want to go work the next day. I had to reassert myself in
my comfort zone and my surroundings.

This concludes June. Nothing else happened, just chasing
people around if they wanted to go to Big Gay Out. Other
than that had been a funny month, especially because I
rescheduled my birthday till July 4th not knowing that my
grandad was ill. Its a funny world isn't. My first ever
funeral. See ya, hopefully things will look better...


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